Let My Mental Health Story Encourage You In Yours
The following is a brief overview of my mental health story. I put these words down in hopes that you’ll be encouraged to move forward and keep living. There is hope and life beyond depression and anxiety. You CAN overcome this.
In 2014 I was in the midst of a mental health crisis. An unexpected injury left me in chronic pain and I slid down a steep slope into debilitating depression and anxiety. Before this, I had never understood how suicide could seem like an appealing option. But after months of pain, reaching dead ends with mental health providers, and anguish within my thought-life, I began to experience suicidal ideation for myself.
It didn’t happen all at once. Little by little I devolved into a shadow of my former self. Daily tasks consumed all my energy and usually left me crying. I fluctuated between high strung panicky energy and utter lethargy.
Late one January night, I came to an ultimatum: find a better way to live, or this will kill you. Depression was eating me alive and if I didn’t address its root causes, I’d die by suicide. I was afraid, but just stubborn enough not to succumb.
Making Progress Toward Recovery
I contacted a Christian counselor with a rigorous outpatient program. After nearly a year of healthcare providers telling me I’d only ever be able to cope with the symptoms of depression and anxiety—I was offered real hope. By this time, I’d been a Saved and Jesus-professing Christian for most of my life. I thought I’d done faith wrong or deserved God’s wrath because I was depressed. Wasn’t that the opposite of joy—the fruit of the Spirit?
I cried in the office as he confidently told me this was something that could be overcome for good. The Word of God acted as a sword at the center of counseling. It sliced through lies and mental illness, making room for Truth and clarity to take root and grow.
My official diagnosis read major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, slight obsessive compulsive disorder. There may have even been a touch of psychosis.
Naming all the things that seemed to be “wrong” in my brain was scary. However, giving what I’d been experiencing an accurate diagnosis helped begin to untangle the mess in my mind. No one likes to be labeled but the label guides us to an appropriate antidote.
Recovery Interrupted
For me, recovery was not smooth. It was impacted by my lifestyle as a military spouse. Times of separation from my husband, stigma, hurtful words from healthcare providers who implied I was a burden to my husband’s career all had an impact. Then, just as things were beginning to improve my husband received orders for a short notice cross country move.
It was like getting sucker punched. Just as I had started to earnestly hope full recovery was possible, it seemed to be snatched away.
With my health in a precarious position, my husband and I sought to delay the move in order to afford me time to recover in a stable environment. This unleashed a complicated and painful fight that involved leadership, administrative offices, a medical board, and often forgoing privacy about the details of my condition. I remember one healthcare provider told me to “…try to wait and deal with this once my husband has retired,” because it would be “easier for everyone.” One solution offered to us was that my husband could proceed with the move and I could stay behind to finish counseling alone.
I felt ashamed, like a major problem no one knew how to deal with. I thought things would be easier for everyone if I didn’t exist.
Finding Victory
These circumstances nearly derailed my recovery, but somehow I survived. By God’s grace and an inborn stubborn streak I kept finding the strength to keep breathing. To wake up one more day. To explain myself one more time. To insist on getting help, to advocate for myself, to speak up when things were unacceptable.
Things were ugly—but I kept fighting for the life I hoped waited on the other side of mental illness. I can only take credit for showing up. The victory was won by God’s Truth, His goodness, might and power. He created a way for me to recover, despite a dynamic lifestyle. He taught me that victory is possible on this side of eternity. He showed me He is a safe space, an ally, a Good Father.
Lasting Healing Can Be Part of Your Mental Health Story
Six years ago I had my final relapse. I’ve spent these years retraining my brain to think in healthy patterns. Over time, these new healthy ways of responding have become my normal and natural reaction to all of life’s circumstances. Lies that had long masqueraded as fact have been exposed and replaced with God’s Truth. My value—your value—is not wrapped up in where we’ve been, how we perform or what others think of us. Our value was named when God chose to create us and deem us worthy of Salvation through His Son’s death. God bought us at a high price—that is our value, that is our identity. (1 Peter 1:18-19)
Overcoming takes time, work, and facing a lot of uncomfortable emotions—but it’s possible and it’s worth it. There is nothing special about me. I’m just a regular person who scrapped up enough strength to live one more hour at a time. If I can do it, so can you. There’s a life worth living on the other side.
That’s My Mental Health Story. Now, How can I serve you?
Here are a few ways, but I’m always open to new ideas.
- Connect with me on Instagram and Facebook where I share more about my past with mental health and action steps for maintaining recovery, coping and raising emotionally healthy littles.
- Sign up for my monthly newsletter where I share encouragement, resources and recommendations.
- Head to the resource page for freebies. I’ve got new resources set to launch summer 2022.
- Allow me to meet with your group in person or virtually to hear more about my testimony, discuss mental health, and field questions. Learn more about speaking engagements here.
- If you are in a position of leadership or ministry, I offer consultation calls designed to answer questions and strategize ways to serve individuals grappling with their mental health.
