by Amy | Apr 21, 2014 | Blog, The Art of Living
I hope you all had a lovely Easter. We did. A last minute change of plans meant Derek and I found ourselves, leisurely with no plans. We did church, lunch out {got seated right away} with friends, then dinner and games with a family kind enough to take us in for the afternoon. Have you ever had pear pie? I hadn’t until yesterday…and boy is it good.
Easter is a time of life and renewal. And this year up here in PraCan, I think it will mark the start of spring. I really feel like we are finally out of the woods of winter. It’s sunny, the air–even if cool at times–has a warmth behind it. Best of all, things are growing.
Weeds mostly. But that can only mean that actual plants and flowers can’t be far behind.
So we peeled off the plastic that had been dutifully applied to keep the nasty, sub-zero wind from whipping through our second story windows. Things seem so much brighter. I cranked open the front window and Panda cat has been watching birds and children scoot across her view all afternoon. The patio furniture has come out of hiding, and at long last…I get to wear something besides boots! Cuffed jeans and clearance rack tennies to be exact.
Spring in the great Practically Canadian north is a lot like an Easter egg hunt. At first you really have to look hard to find that first sign. Once you do, you notice more and more. I, for one…am glad to put winter behind me and step into a season of life and renewal.
Bring on the sun.
xo
Amy
by Amy | Apr 16, 2014 | Blog, The Art of Art
I feel like you can put just about anything on your walls and call it art. Growing up we had a couple paintings in our home. I don’t remember all of them, but I do recall that one was a kind of creepy sea captain. I don’t even know what became of him.
One day I asked my mom where that stuff had come from. She told me that when she and my dad were first married they went to some kind of art show to buy some things for their walls.
My how things have changed. Now you can take a stroll through Hobby Lobby, troll around on Pinterest for something to DIY, or grab something from a junk market–nail it up and call it art. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I actually like it. I mean, you are speaking to a girl who currently has a couple vintage pennants, a moss covered “S,” and a pair of ice skates {yes, I know it’s spring now…} hanging on her walls.
I like easy. I like cheap. I like non-permanent. I would even go far enough to say that I like whimsical. So the other night while Derek was busy working late and the image of a wall full of spring-toned windmills floated to my brain…I went ahead and made them. It’s springy. It makes me think of warmer days and a warm breeze.
These cost me zero dollars, since I already had hot glue and scrapbook paper on hand.
I used this tutorial for making them…but I didn’t waste time with spray adhesive. Mostly since I’m not accurate enough to line the pages up right. Instead, I just folded them together and used a dot of hot glue on the tips that would be folded into the center.
For each big windmill I used two full 12″x 12″ sheets of paper. The medium sized windmills were made four to a sheet and the smallest were made by clipping a couple inches off of a 6″x 6″ {medium} square.
To hide the central point, I used a scrap of paper rolled up and glued over the overlapping points.
To be sure that when I want these off of my walls they don’t take the paint with them, I hung them all up with 3m adhesive strips that are supposed to go with wall hooks. I had extras, so I used those. Honestly, I haven’t seen the hooks that they go with in years, so it’s about time they got put to use.
The whole thing took about two reruns of the Office. {Not watched during the day, of course. My lenten fast is progressing quite nicely.} So this is quick, easy, and I know you can do it.
I’ve also thought a whole wall would make a great photo back drop. Thoughts??
Well, let me know if you like my whimsical, windmill wall {or my alliteration} in the comments or over on Facebook.
by Amy | Apr 15, 2014 | Blog, Devotional, The Art of Faith
I know you remember Lindsay from Friday’s Art of Living post. If you missed it, you should read that first, here. In addition to being a wonderful woman of God with a heart built for service and an attitude that waits upon the Lord…she is also a very gifted writer. {Which may be due, in part, to that Baylor English degree.}
After chatting with her on the phone to record her story for you, she shared a journal entry that she wrote after looking back on her long journey in Shreveport…through the broken-hearted moments of struggling to find contentment in the Lord and the trials of finding her calling. She kindly allowed me to share it with you here. I think you’ll agree that these words are beautifully crafted and soothing to a weary soul. Enjoy! {And a big thanks to Lindsay for opening her heart, soul and talents to us. You really are the best.}
When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went up out of Egypt ready for battle. Exodus 13:17-18 NIV
This verse was written for me today. There are an infinite number of people and reasons God had in mind when He penned it, I have no doubt, but today, it reached out and grabbed my hand to guide me into deeper intimacy with my Lord. To remind me, in a season of wilderness, that He firmly has my best in mind, and from His compassion and guardianship, He leads! Though it was shorter – if ever there was a balm for my aching heart. There was a quicker way for the Israelites to get to their destination. God knew it, but because He knew them well, as well as He knew the map, He didn’t choose it. They needed the sea. God didn’t need the sea; I have no doubt He could have conquered the battle on the short road, but the Israelites hearts weren’t ready for that battle. They needed the long road. They needed the sea.
The rest of verse 18 says, “The Israelites went up out of Egypt ready for battle.” I have no way of knowing, but for a minute, I want to pretend they knew about the shorter road and the possibility of war. And they were ready – at least they thought they were.
I graduated college armed for battle in my own way. I was ready to fight the injustices of this world, ready to make a difference for the Kingdom, ready for the short (yet hard) road through law school and to a career of significance. Then God chose the long road through Shreveport.
And I have not understood.
And I have identified the many different routes I could have taken.
And I have pointed to the routes others are on.
And I have complained.
And I have cried.
And I have waited, for answers and explanations and change.
But have I waited for deliverance?
Maybe the answers are in the deliverance. Not from Shreveport – but through Shreveport – from the bondage of perfectionism and significance and self-worth. From the chariots and skilled riders that have chased me for years, refusing to fully release me to worship. Telling me I can go worship as long as I leave a part of my sacrifice behind (Ex. 10:24-25).
“But God, there is a quicker route. Let me carry my own armor and show you. But God…”
Oh Israel, Oh my children, Oh my Lindsay…I can almost hear His voice of compassion audibly. I have a better plan.
They may have left armed for battle, but soon their boldness (Ex 14:8) turned to fear (Ex 14:10) with one pursuit. I definitely wonder what an all-out war would have caused. They needed the long road. They needed the ocean. They didn’t need to see their armor or skill outlast that of their enemy. They didn’t need another medal or accolade. They needed to see an ALL POWERFUL GOD fully destroy their pursuer. They needed to walk a long road, through a parted Red Sea, where not one of their pursuers could follow. It may have been longer, but it was better. And they worshiped. My feet may hurt from the journey and my eyes may be tired, but if the long road is what I need, I am thankful. There were some easier roads, but the long road leads to the greatest victory. And I will worship.
And when the Israelites saw the mighty hand of the Lord displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the Lord and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant. Exodus 14:31
by Amy | Apr 11, 2014 | Blog, Devotional
When I think about someone living well, I can’t help but think of my dear friend Lindsay Smith. Now, she might not always feel like she’s mastered the art of living, but in the years I’ve known her I have drawn buckets of inspiration from the proverbial well of her life. Hers is a story that shows the hand of God, so clearly in hindsight I can’t help but feel encouraged.
We met several years ago. At the time we were both living in Shreveport, LA, both attending the same Bible study. It’s safe to say that I had a bit of a girl crush on her. She’s adorable, full of wisdom, and holy-smokes…I’d love to get my hands on her wardrobe. But, being me…I get shy around people like that. So I was thrilled when she asked me out to lunch.
You see, at the time I was at a breaking point. I felt overwhelmed by my lack of direction, “real” employment, and desire to contribute to the world around me. I shared that at Bible study and to my surprise, Lindsay was having the same heart struggle. We easily bonded over lunch and through the years I have had the great pleasure of watching her take that desire and turn it into a work of art, masterfully colored by submission to the Lord.
When Lindsay was in second grade, she proudly declared that she would grow up, attend Baylor University, and study English. I guess, you could call her a Type-A-Planner…When she did grow up, she did find herself studying English at Baylor, on course for pre-law. The “plan” was to graduate, go to law school and work for an international adoption organization. In her mind, this would be her way of “caring for widows and orphans.” Life is so dear to her heart, there is no question in that.
But, to the frustration of many Type-A’s, life rarely adheres to our plans. While studying for the LSAT she met her future husband. After lots of heavy prayer, she knew the Lord was calling her to set her law dreams aside, and step into the role of wife.
That’s how she found herself in Shreveport.
Away from family. Away from friends. Away from her dreams.
She spent days asking, “Why?” Although she had affirmation that marriage was the right decision, she couldn’t help but plead for understanding through her confusion. During this painful season she was faced with painful notions: What to do with her time? The admission that she was “just” a stay at home wife. Hesitation to return to her hometown…where family and friends knew of the dreams she’d put on hold.
In hindsight, she told me, she can see that during this hard chapter of her story, her identity was wrapped up in law school. In her dreams. In the desire to have a title. Feeling that earning the title of “lawyer” would give her purpose, security, and fulfillment. It took a while. Nearly a year. But she allowed God to soften her heart. Slowly, gently, He untangled her identity from titles and degrees and anchored it instead, in Christ. He gave her the strength to move forward. She began relying on God, knowing that He could use her passions, even without a degree.
God has all the qualifications–we don’t need to equip ourselves. He will equip us as needed to do His work.
Armed with new confidence in the Lord’s guidance, she stepped out of the house and began volunteering with Heart of Hope, a residential maternity home for teenagers. Heart of Hope offers stability to young women in a time of uncertainty. They provide family-style living, education on parenting and adoption, as well as schooling–so women can return to their studies after having their child.
For months Lindsay volunteered. She worked closely with the executive director and eventually, a volunteer position was created just for her skill set. She began to find satisfaction in her work, but part of her still felt that work without pay is just “pretend.” {I’ve been there before…}
To supplement the family income Lindsay took a job at a Christian founded boutique called Altar’d State. Again, God went to work. Softening and soothing her heart when questions would arise.
I would ask, “Why?” I had a college degree, and I was working part time in retail. I couldn’t understand why.
Again, God was faithful in answering. During her short term of employment {only four months} her volunteer work with Heart of Hope was brought up on many occasions with customers. Some were so inspired by the work of the ministry they wrote her donation checks on the spot. Through her employment Heart of Hope and Altar’d State cultivated an ongoing ministry relationship.
As time wore on, she felt led through prayer that it was time to leave Altar’d State. She had applied for an internship with the Family Research Council, but hadn’t heard back. As she sat in her car, nervous about putting in her notice, wondering if she was making the right choice…she got a call. She was accepted as an intern and would soon be putting her English degree to use, as she was assigned the task of blogging and writing research papers on {none other than} the topic of teen pregnancy.
Isn’t it amazing how, when we submit plans to the Lord he makes them make sense?
From there Lindsay returned to her work at Heart of Hope, where eventually her position became a paid gig. She has taken on leadership within the ministry, intimately understands how the organization works, and has played a key role in bringing peace to girls in crisis. Recently she was a key player in organizing Shreveport’s first ever “Pro Life March” which attracted more support and attention than expected.
I’ve seen a big change in the city. People are caring about and supporting the positive choices–brave choices–these young girls are making [pro-life decisions.]
Heart of Hope has allowed her to care for those in need. Those in unrest. She told me that “love compels us to action.” Through her actions young women, young mothers, future mothers are equipped with the love of Christ. It’s a love that will change generations as it is passed down from mother to child.
We can meet others in crisis with hope and peace because we know there is a God who cares. A God who can bring love and peace, no matter the circumstance.
Lindsay’s time in Shreveport is now at a close. Her husband’s contract with the Air Force is up and they are relocating back to Texas. She says she is more confident moving forward. Now she looks back on her time in Shreveport, even the hard times, and sees that they have transformed her. She is confident in Christ’s leading and her identity rests in Him.
Her advice for all of us? How can we replicate her story of turning brokenness to trust? How can we create a life evident of God’s plans and grace? She tells us:
1. See the Lord first in everything. Take rest knowing that it isn’t what you do…it’s what you allow the Lord to do through you.
2. Don’t be afraid to share your struggle. Seek council. Let your heart be open and comforted through hard seasons.
3. Get over the fear that if life doesn’t look like X, Y, or Z…your life isn’t right or doesn’t matter. Your life can have an impact.
I hope you find as much encouragement in this story as I have. It takes work. And time. But if we really allow God to lead, if we honestly pursue His interests for us…we will see that His had never left us.
xoxo
Amy
by Amy | Apr 10, 2014 | Blog, The Art of Projects
If you follow along on Facebook {which I hope you do…} you may remember a while back when I posted a photo of this chair on the left. Well, tonight on our very first “Art of Projects” post, I’ll be showing you how I did it.
And let me add this. When it was all done and moved into the office I created it for, a youth pastor’s work space…one of our church’s teens came in and said, “You got that at Target, didn’t you?”
Nope.
See, he works at Target, and could have sworn he saw a chair just like it in stock. Jokes on him. I bought a pair of matching {ugly} orange office chairs and gave them a giant-botox-apporoved facelift. The chairs cost $15 each from a second hand furniture shop {Sean’s Used Furniture, for those of you up here in Practically Canada.} The fabric is outdoor grade {read: durable and wipeable} that I picked up at JoAnn’s. The whole makeover took about an hour per chair, not including dry time for the paint.
Now, before I show you how I did it, let me say that I get asked all the time, “How do you do it?” Or, “How do you learn to do those things?” The answer is simple. I try them. What’s the worst that will happen? I’ll end up with a chair uglier than what I started with? Not likely. So just try. Start with something easy, like this chair. It’s an easy recover because it has a nice boxy shape and a sturdy frame. Something similar will be a great first project for you. And really, at the root of it all…recovering furniture is no more difficult than wrapping a gift. But you get to use nails and glue, so it can look a lot neater. Okay, so let’s get started:
1. I spray painted the arms and legs of the chair black. I used a matte finish paint that was created to be pretty durable.
2. Get your glue gun out. This one is a “high heat” gun for heavy duty projects. If you have more of a “craft” glue gun, you should also invest in some upholstery tacks. Nail a few in in addition to adding the glue. It’ll ensure your hard work lasts.
3. In the fancy world you might buy what’s called “tacking strip” for this next part. At my house, I cut up an old frozen pizza box. Really any thin cardstock/cardboard will do. Cut a few strips, about 1/2″ thick.
4. Next I draped the fabric over the top half of my chair and cut enough that it would wrap around. Lay your fabric out on the floor, and glue a couple of your cardboard strips in place. You want the strips to be the width of the chair, but not the sides. You’ll get the idea in a minute.
5. Then, fold the strip up, so fabric is completely covering it and glue that in place.
1. Once your “tacking strip” is set up, drape the fabric over the top of the chair. Glue/tack the straight, hard edge of the fabric in place, right along the frame.
2. Pull the fabric through, under the backrest of the chair. Pull it really, really tight. Glue/tack that edge to the wooden frame.
3. Now the sides. Trim any excess fabric from the sides. You need enough to cover the edges, plus about 1.5″.
4. Trimmed up!
5. Now it’s pretty much like gift wrapping. Pull the front fabric toward the back of the chair. Glue/tack it in place below the armrest first.
6. Repeat above the arm rest.
7. Put a tacking strip in place at the edge of what is left sticking out from the back side of the chair.
8. Fold the top down {like when you wrap a box.}
9. Fold the fabric in around the tacking strip and glue/tack in place.
If you mess up, or it’s not looking neat, just try again. The key is to pull everything super tight. The tighter it is, the neater it’ll look.
1. Now the bottom. Cut a piece big enough to cover the chair seat. Lay the chair on its back. Tuck one end between the seat and back rest.
2. Make a tack strip the width of the chair seat, just like you did for the back rest.
3. Glue/tack it in place under the seat, right to the chair frame.
4. Repeat in the back. Remember…get it tight! Then fold the fabric near the back rest forward and glue it to the frame.
5. Fold the raw edge of the fabric under, back up against the original covering.
6. Glue the folded edge to the chair frame.
7. Now you’ll probably have a weird little piece left over.
8. Trim it down, and glue/tack it anywhere that’s hidden and out of the way. Because, that’s how not-legit your upholstery skills have to be.
Okay, fans. One more look. In the near future, I’ll show you a full before and after of the youth office that these chairs now call home. But for now, we are still waiting on new carpet, so we’ll have to wait on the full reveal.
xoxo Amy
by Amy | Apr 9, 2014 | Blog, The Art of Living
Hi. Do you like the new site? When I asked my mom, just a few minutes ago she said she missed the old site. She liked the new, but it’d take some getting used to. That’s okay. I’m still adjusting as well. There are probably still a couple bugs. But I was just so eager to get it all back up and running, I figured I’d unearth them with the site running live.
Tonight I’m going to share a little bit of my heart with you. A struggle that I’ve faced for quite some time. A struggle that lead to writing in the first place, and now…writing here in this moment. More will be coming up as I launch our first ever “Art of Living” feature on Thursday. That’ll be awesome, but for now, you are stuck here. With me. Maybe what I’ve been feeling will strike a chord with you. Or maybe you’ll leave feeling better about yourself, because that girl who writes that thing is such an unimaginable hot mess. Either way, I’m glad you are here.
A good chunk of my post-college years have been spent feeling very lost. Lost because I long to be a person of success, a person who leaves a mark, but I just don’t know how to do it. I’ve felt unsatisfied in jobs and unsatisfied in the way my life was shaping up. I have spent hours crying over my frustration to just figure it out, or become content without.
For a long time I felt alone in this struggle, like I was the only person who just couldn’t get it together. But in the past year, I’ve learned that this isn’t something I’m facing all by myself. I think there are a lot of us who feel lost and confused. Confused about what we should be doing, unfulfilled in our work, lost in a shuffle of making ends meet. That feeling of just not knowing what to do with your life, despite education, family life, and experience. It’s easy to feel alone in this. Especially when you look around and everyone seems to have it together. Then you look at your own life. It feels out of control, or like it’s falling apart, or that it simply hasn’t turned out how you’d pictured it.
I’ve come to learn that I’m not alone in this problem. I’m not alone in feeling like life is a slippery art form I just can’t master.
But in my soul. In my very core I have a rock-hard, guttural instinct that we are here for a purpose. And even the most confused, broken, mixed up, unfulfilled of us can master living and leave a legacy. All of us.
I believe we all want to live a life of purpose. Everyone wants to believe that their life will leave and impact. And it can.
I started mulling this thought over and over. There are people out there who are living and living well. In reality, I think very few people feel like they have it ALL together. But there are definitely people who have mastered pieces of life. I see them. They are all around me. People young and old and middle aged, working on a life’s calling. Loving what they do. Making a difference. Being unique. Collecting experiences that will make lovely bedtime stories for their grand children.
For months I’ve taken note of these people. I’ve admired them from afar. I’ve spent hours over cups of coffee and chai tea wondering what they know that I don’t…and wishing I had the guts to talk to them and ask them to teach me. Then one day, I decided I was sick of wondering. I decided to ask, knowing that the worst they could tell me is “No, I don’t want to share my secrets with you.” And the best that could happen is that I’d take my first step on the road to mastering the art of living.
The art of living is about learning from others, taking steps toward becoming the person you dream of being and living your life to its fullest, greatest potential.
And that’s what the Art of Living Project is all about. I genuinely appreciate each and every one of you who has read, stopped by, pinned a post, laughed along and welled up in tears at something you’ve seen on the blog. My thoughts have been a bit scattered, my writing theme has been pretty random. But at the root of all of it is my search for success, a quest to master the art of living, to do more, and life more wholly for the Lord. I hope you’ll continue to read and share. I hope the new {improved} clarity in direction of my writing will inspire you, us, in ways we never expected.
See you tomorrow.
Amy
by Amy | Mar 14, 2014 | Blog, The Art of Design, The Art of Living
Thank you to every one who sent prayers and sympathy and well wishes after hearing about my back indecent. I’ve been off the blog for a few days {as you know.} There are two big reasons for this…First of all there have been some time consuming things getting in my way {work being one, a three hour visit to the clinic being another.} Second, up until yesterday I’ve been pretty darn looped up on some high quality pain killers.
I am feeling better. There is still pain and hopefully the doctor will be able to tell me what that’s all about in the near future. Most importantly I’d like to know how I can avoid another Urkel situation in the coming months. And I’ll admit, I’m a terrible patient. The first few days after I’d been to the ER I had a terrible attitude and resigned myself to a life of no working out and only ice cream sundaes on the couch. That didn’t last too long though. I can’t stand the thought of never being able to HIIT it again.
So, anyway…that’s the update.
But in other news I have something pretty big to tell you. Starting tomorrow {or Sunday…it just kind of depends} this site and blog will be shutting down for a remodel! You know how much I love make overs and before and afters. I’d like to be able to seamlessly reconstruct and relaunch a better, more organizer, prettier site without having to close down for a single day. BUT–I’m not that tech savvy. So, in the coming days you’ll see a big fat “Under Construction” sign if you try to come over for a chat.
Why, the remodel, you ask? Well, a few reasons. Firstly, I think I can do better. Secondly, I think things have gotten kind of muddled. I hope to return with a site that is more focused. A site that presents a clearer picture of what it is that I “do” and a clearer image of how you can be inspired. Third, I’ve spent many, many months with a new idea growing in my heart. In my experience when this happens, you should follow it. After prayer and seeking Godly guidance, I think the slightly new direction I’m heading in is the right thing to do.
I just got an Instagram account today. I have no idea how to use it. My plan was to keep you up to date on progress and happenings that way. We’ll see…If you want to be friends, or whatever Instagram calls it, you can find me at #theartoflivingproject.
Which brings me to another point. AmyAllender.com will be coming back better and stronger as…The Art of Living Project. That gives you an idea of what the new and improved site will entail. I’m sad to leave you, but excited to bring you something better. The Art of Living Project will examine people who are living well, living inspiring lives. It will still include the things you already know and love about my current blog: B&A’s {that’s the art of improvement}, house projects {the art of home}, food {the art of the kitchen}, and photography {the art of the moment.}
At the heart of it all, I want to write things that inspire people to see the potential in their lives. So much of my 20’s has been spent feeling like a hot mess. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m doing things wrong, I want to believe my life can have an impact…but I just don’t know how. Then I look around, and see people living really incredible {even if seemingly ordinary} lives. Interesting lives. Lives spent doing things that they love, working to the glory of God. Using skills in quirky ways to be an example of Christ’s love. That’s what I want to do. That’s the stuff I want to capture.
If you feel at all like me {80% hot mess, 10% confused and 10% faking that you have it together} I pray that you’ll wait. Give me a couple weeks. Then come back and join a new community of inspiring people, true tales and a project dedicated to mastering the Art of Living.
Amy
PS–Even if I can’t figure the Instagram thing out I’ll still be updating the Facebook page daily. So check in over on that side of things!
by Amy | Mar 10, 2014 | Blog, The Art of Living
Most of the time the things I write here have some kind of meaning. Whether it’s a lesson learned, project completed or a sneak peek so a client can share a glimpse of their session with family and friends…usually there’s a point to the story. Today, there is no point. I’m just going to tell you a story because, well–it’s awkward and funny and a little note worthy.
As a kid of the 90’s you can bet I’m an Urkel fan. On Friday, however, I got a little too close to his catch phrase– “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”–for comfort.
I guess the story really starts in October when I threw my back out the first time. I finally finished physical therapy in December and had been feeling fine since then. The therapist said her best guess as to why my back clenched up suddenly started limiting my mobility in the fall, was most likely due to a combination of over training and wearing the wrong shoes. This unkindly duo caused me to over use my lower back muscles instead of my core, glutes and hamstrings…leading to a nasty strain.
But I got over it.
Until Friday.
On Friday I was leading a total body workout on the stability ball. It’s low impact and fun, even for gym beginners. Half way through, something twisted and–BAM–no more leaning forward or backward. After class I struggled to get home, where I parked myself in bed on my back. As the afternoon went on, my mobility only became more and more limited. So limited I didn’t even leave the bed for lunch.
When Derek got home, he found me still in bed. He convinced me that I should try to walk. At least to go to the bathroom, then come down for dinner. That all sounded sane enough, so I obliged. When I stood up, pain like daggers shot through my lower back and made me weak in the knees. Leaning on the bed, then the walls for support I gradually made it to the hall. Lifting my feet even high enough to shuffle across the floor was a strain. I felt like I was trapped in an 85 year old body. Once in the hall, I had to call Derek back upstairs, because I just couldn’t go another step. He helped me into the bathroom. The pain was leaving me in that weird place where it just hurts so bad you want to laugh. But the laughing and tightening of my abs only made it worse. As usual, my awkward antics only made the process worse. We decided I should take a break from walking and just have a sit on the toilet seat to recover before even trying to actually pee.
As I leaned forward and bent my knees to sit my back decided that was the final straw. I doubled over and fell to my hands and knees right on the bath mat. That’s when the waves of spasms started. I rolled over to my back with my head resting against the trash can and my cheek against the vanity. That was it. I couldn’t scoot. I couldn’t sit back up. That was it. Waves of awful spasms took over my back, causing it to arch in a weird way beyond my control. When that happened I couldn’t even breathe. I was consciously trying to stay calm, breath deep and relax. But I couldn’t. It was a horrible feeling. A really weird feeling.
By now, we’d obviously decided I should go to the ER. That however, required a journey down a flight of stairs, through the house, down the deck steps, and down three more steps to the driveway. After giving it our best college try, Derek made the executive decision to call an ambulance.
I really do think it was our only option. But boy was I embarrassed. I’m sure that at that moment there were people having actual emergencies. I’m a 27 year old in peak physical condition that couldn’t get up off the bathroom floor. The first thing the EMT said when he came upstairs was…”Wow, literally on the bathroom floor. How exactly did you end up in that position?”
Awkward, I’m telling you.
They asked some basic questions then tested my glucose levels. At which point they asked if I was diabetic because my blood sugar was so low. No–no diabetes for me. Just back pain that made going downstairs for food a totally undesirable option.
Even once they’d pumped my IV full of drugs that finally let my back unclench and caused me to giggle uncontrollably I couldn’t move. The muscles were still so tight it took two grown men to sit me upright. Then they strapped me into a chair lift so they could get me downstairs and out to the ambulance. All the while I was thinking how frustrating this all is, since I learned to walk before I was 12 months old…now I couldn’t even get in a chair by myself and strangers were carrying me out of my house like the Arc of the Covenant. Ugh.
Then they loaded me in the ambulance and away we went. On the five block journey to the ER I was fed a tube of instant glucose to raise my sugar levels. The EMT said most people think they’re gross, but I think it tasted like candy and I was starving…so I was ready to eat anything. It was my first ride in the back of an ambulance, and let me tell you…it’s a lot smaller than it looks on TV.
So that’s the story. And it ends like this: The doctor looked me over and decided all the weird spasms were muscularly triggered. No slipped or ruptured discs. I’ll be going back to physical therapy, no doubt. Saturday morning walking was a real chore, today I’m feeling much better. I’m still on a steady stream of pain killers and muscle relaxers. Hopefully in a couple weeks I’ll be back to the gym. But no curling tonight. {Which is a real bummer because it’s the final game of the regular season. So, BOO!}
The end.
