Today, I’ve got a follow up to yesterday’s post about how dispelling lies has helped me reclaim my life and walk out of a long-term struggle against depression and anxiety. In addition to identifying lies and taking the time to properly address them, I’ve also learned that sometimes it takes a hard season to find them at all.
Before we get to that, I want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who comes to do life together. Who reads and shares and takes a moment to tell me when something hits home for you. I am humbled, and affirmed by the reaction I got to yesterday’s post about lies. Sometimes I get nervous about posting something vulnerable–something that can make me look like a goon. Admitting to anyone on the Internet who cares to click a link that I’ve struggled with lies was intimidating for me.
So, thanks for being cool. Now back to the topic at hand.
Drafts and Lies
Let’s go back to the analogy I drew yesterday, between cold drafts coming into my house and lies coming into my life. (If you missed it, you can read it here.)
I gave a nice list of how lies are sneaky like cold air drafts that were finding lots of ways into my home. The affects of the cold air stretched much farther than my heating bill. The furnace worked overtime, to no avail–the rooms were still cold. I couldn’t sleep at night, which left me tired and cranky during the day, which in turn took its toll on my patience with Gideon.
Lies are the same. Their affects reach far beyond just the singular truth they’ve obscured. Lies can become devastating.
The Cold Snap
I was so glad when the draft problem was noticeably better. I was happy to have found the sources of cold air coming in, and happy to have a solution.
Even more than that, I was happy it happened when it did. I was grateful for the early October cold snap that made my problem clear. It was a perfect trial-run of how Acorn House will truly perform through the winter. The draft problem was revealed during a short stretch of 20˚ days.If it had happened when the windchill was -40˚, that would have been much, much worse.
Before I go any farther, please know that I’m not here to explain why bad things happen. I’m not opening a discussion on why bad things happen to “good” people. I’m not even going to say that “everything happens for a reason.”
The truth is, bad things happen. Hard circumstances face fun, loving, kind, good-hearted people all the time. Many of the hardest circumstances I’ve faced have come into my life unannounced, with little warning, and at no fault of my own. I had no control over their timing or the scope of pain they’d leave in their wake.
I can’t tell you why these things happen and I won’t offer you a solution. But I can assure you that God–the God of the Bible–is working to set all things right (see Ps 103:10-18). I can assure you that God is kind. He is almighty and able to redeem any circumstance. He is able to create beauty and life from dirt and death. Remember, He made man out of dirt in the garden. Also, Jesus’ gruesome death on the cross opened a sweet, full-access path to God, gives us eternal life and the Holy Spirit.
Those in Christ can always trust that God can and will create something worthwhile out of any ugliness we hand over to Him.
My Lie Problem
Which brings me back to lies.
When I realized I had a “lie problem” in my life I was in the midst of a mental crisis. I can’t pinpoint the exact cause. A surgery that didn’t go as planned; Chronic pain; Spiritual warfare; A major life change. These and other unwelcome circumstances added up to a depression and anxiety storm like I’ve never seen before in my life.
In counseling I realized that lies were major contributors to the poor state of my mental health. As I untangled the lies from the truth I found healing that I didn’t know was possible. I left the cycle of anxiety and low-self-worth that had plagued me for years.
Now, looking back I can see that I may never have gotten to the root of my problems, had it not been for the terrible circumstances in that season. When I turned that awful season over to God, He propelled me into a new phase of life. And it’s far better than the “good life” I had before.
Drafts Aren’t A Problem In Summer
Just like it takes a cold snap to find drafts, it may take a hard season to find lies that have been sneaking into your mind. You know when the drafts in my house didn’t bother me at all? Summer. When the days were 70˚ and sunny I didn’t notice extra air coming in at all. You know when the lies didn’t bother me so much? When everything was stable and good.
When things got rocky it was obvious there was a problem. Metaphorically, my foundation was fine, but my structure had air leaks that were causing my home to be miserable. My Salvation was secure, but the lies had come in and I was not living the abundant, joy-filled life Jesus wanted to give me.
We cannot control the circumstances that come into our sphere. But we can control our thoughts. We can be intentional about turning our eyes to the Redeemer of all things, allowing Him to create something positive out of a mess. We can be intentional about what we allow to manifest in our mind and hearts.
Hard times are…hard. But our God never leaves us alone, and He truly is working for the good of those who love Him.
Do you know anything about drafts? Not military drafts, or drafts of a paper. I’m talking the icy cold drafts that sneak into your home through even the tiniest gap. I do. I know more than I’d care to. Stopping drafts was my first major project here at Acorn House. In the midst of stopping up all those drafts, God started speaking to me about lies. In my heart I could feel Him reminding me of how sneaky, joy-sapping and detrimental lies are, and reminding me of how dispelling lies helped me reclaim my life. So today, I’m going to tell you a little about my journey with lies and drafts.
The first truly cold night in Acorn House was awful. In my room, under all the blankets I had in the house I was a block of ice. My face was cold. My nose was running. Yes, running like I was outside. In the hall, I could feel a cold breeze blowing from Gideon’s room. We barely slept that night. The next day I was miserable, but determined to find the source of the drafts and fix the issue.
The problem with drafts is this: they are invisible and unnoticeable until things get uncomfortable.
In our bedrooms I discovered that the windows hadn’t been insulated. Large gaps behind the trim was letting cold air pour in. A breeze was coming in from a gap behind the baseboard. A floor vent cover wasn’t actually covering a vent–just a hole to the icy basement, letting cold air up into the room. Then I found that the dryer vent had no cover on it. There was just an open tube letting cold air into my room.
When I saw the scope of the problem, I was overwhelmed.
The drafts were making us miserable. But there were so many to find and fix–I didn’t know how I’d ever get it all done.
For big drafts I used my hand to feel for air flow. For the sneakier wisps of air coming in, I used a lighter as a guide. I ran the flame along windows, doors and baseboards. The flame would flicker (or in some cases blow out) when I reached the source of a draft. I filled small gaps with caulk. Big gaps needed to be filled with foam gap filler–the kind that expands to fill the gap and kind of looks like yellow ice cream.
One by one I sealed the gaps. The house stayed warmer. It became livable. The problem isn’t totally fixed, it’s an ongoing process.
But I told you I was going to talk about lies. So let me get to the point.
Somewhere in the middle of my third can of gap-filler God laid some thoughts about lies on my heart. I don’t consider myself particularly gullible, but I’ve believed a lot of lies in my life. Big, important lies. The kind that wreak havoc on your mind, heart and spirit.
Whenever I talk to someone about my experience walking through depression and anxiety, I point to identifying and dispelling lies as the thing that brought me the most healing. In fact, I’d say dispelling lies that I had believed saved my life. Lies were the root of my problem. I needed to take measures to seal up my life against the lies I had believed.
In fact, lies are the root of a lot of problems.
Satan is called the “father of lies.” He is a liar and deceiver. The first sin he ever enticed anyone into was telling a lie.
Lies will make our lives uncomfortable.
Maybe not at first. But eventually, our lives will be uncomfortable (maybe even unlivable) as result of the lies we believe.
Lies are often invisible.
We may feel something is wrong. We might be able to sense it. But like drafts, lies are invisible. We cannot simply detect them with our eyes. They come into our minds, hearts and home in the sneakiest ways. Some are obvious (gaps around windows and doors.) Some are harder to see (remember, in some cases I needed to remove window trim and baseboards to find the source of a draft to fix.)
Big, glaring lies are easy to feel while small, tricky tweaks-of-the-truth may need a guide to find their source.
Lies can be overwhelming.
In our fallen world lies are all around us. The more lies we believe, the more confused we get…making us susceptible to believing even more lies. Just like the drafts blowing into my house, sometimes it seems like the air around me is saturated with lies.
Once I began uncovering lies in my own life I became overwhelmed by the amount of lies surrounding me, vying for my belief and attention. Lies, like drafts, can be addressed. Find them and eliminate them one at a time.
Lies can be identified
I love the image of using a lighter to detect a draft. So often the Bible talks about light–the antithesis of the darkness.
Just as a lighter can be used to find the source of a draft, the lights God gives us can help us find lies in our own lives.
Jesus is the Light of the World–anyone in Him will not remain in darkness. John 12:46 (His Truth will dispel lies and darkness. Come to Him and ask Him to reveal the lies that wreaking havoc in your life.)
God’s Word is a lamp for our path, Psalm 119:105. (In biblical times a lamp would have had an open flame. God’s truth is a perfect way to detect the source of lies. Hold the lamp of His Word up to your path, this flame will never extinguish, but lies may try to blow it out.)
Believers are the light, Matthew 5:14-16. (A trusted mentor of friend in the body of Christ can help identify lies and replace them with Truth.)
Lies can be dispelled.
Lies hold no power of their own. Their power lies (no pun intended) in the power we perceive them to have. Once we identify a lie and name it as a lie–its power starts to wane. But the true problem isn’t solved yet. Identifying the source of a draft didn’t make my house any warmer.
A draft needs to be filled or fixed, a lie must be replaced by the truth. If a the void left behind from an identified lie isn’t filled with truth, another lie can easily take its place.
The truth may take a while to believe.
Like I told you, I’ve believed a lot of lies. And I’d love to say that I quickly identified them, found God’s Truth, replaced the lie and lived happily ever after.
Sometimes it really is that easy.
But the lies that do the most damage are often hidden, well engrained, and require some time. These lies are like the big gaps behind my baseboards. First I had to do a little deconstructing to identify them. Next I used gap-filler. Then I had to wait for the filler to expand. In some cases I needed to go back over it a second time. With diligence, eventually the cold air stopped coming in.
Sometimes we need to hear the truth over and over before we believe it. When we feel the lie coming back in, we need to restate the truth, to add another layer.
I got annoyed, when I was in counseling for not changing fast enough. For continuing to fall into the same lies over and over. My counselor assured me things would change. Those thought patterns, believing those lies–that was my normal, natural way of thinking. If we consciously, intentionally speak truth over lies we’ve identified, the Truth will become our new normal, natural thought pattern. Just like the draft problem at the House, fighting lies is (and will be) an ongoing battle.
I don’t know if this is resonating with anyone. I hope so. If you are struggling–please know that you aren’t alone. I’ve been there. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t have a few lies they needed to dispel. You can do it. Don’t be hard on yourself, but do be intentional. Do be diligent. The lies that are causing your life to be cold, uncomfortable and unenjoyable can be replaced with truth. If I can do it, anyone can.
(PS– When I was unearthing lies in my life, this book was given to me by a friend. I cannot recommend it highly enough!)
Last night Derek and I were talking on the phone. Because that’s what we do now. That, and FaceTime. But usually our FaceTime calls are a little distracting because someone (with adorable, chubby fingers) thinks he needs to hold the phone the whole time…then it turns into a balancing act of actually seeing each other and keeping a technology tantrum at bay.
As usual, I’m getting off track.
Anyway, we were on the phone discussing one of the most pressing matters with our transition. What to do with the Canyon Lake Cottage. We have a great peace about keeping it (not selling.) Now we need renters. We’ve gone back and forth about keeping it as a short term/vacation rental and looking for a long term renter.
There are pros and cons to both sides. A long term renter would take care of the utilities and bills. However, a long term renter can be really hard on a property and we’ve heard some scary stories.
A short term rental set up means less wear on the property, but more management. More logistics. And maybe craziest of all…it means we need to have a “furnished” house in Rapid City and Minot.
At the beginning of this whole process I thought for sure I’d be going mad without all my “things” by this point. A couple years ago (even one year ago) that probably would have been the case. But I’ve seen God changing me in ways that I never thought possible. Attachments, burdens and struggles that I thought would forever be a thorn in my flesh have slowly and gently been extracted.
I can’t peg what exactly is responsible for this shift, but I think a big part of it stems from a word that God planted in my heart several years ago. Intentionality. Again, I’m not sure what exactly brought it on, but in the fall of 2016 the word “intentionality” kept coming to mind. Since then it’s become a bit of an anthem for me.
Most of you know I have struggled to overcome and manage crippling anxiety and depression. The greatest strides for me came when I became intentional about my mental health. Intentionality when it came to what I said “yes” to and what I said “no” to. This helped guard me from being spread too thin (something that easily triggers a bit of panic for me.) Intentionality in seeking care and asking for help. Intentionality in the way I think.
That intentionality spread to other aspects of my life. I could feel the Holy Spirit encouraging me to be intentional in the Word and prayer. To be intentional in my marriage, and intentional in the ways I wield my giftings.
Intentional about who I am trying to impress.
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
This has not been a perfect practice. There are lots of days that I don’t get it right at all. There have been many times I’ve wished I could be more intentional about more things. But I’ve never once felt the sting of reprimand from the Lord. He sees the heart, He knows I’m trying. Like I said, this really started to resonate in 2016. I’m finally truly starting to see the fruit of this slow, slow change.
So back to our move. When the jumble of information and logistics started to rain down in the spring my natural reaction was fear. Followed by flitting thoughts about how we could make things quick and seamless. I wanted to find a way to keep things as “normal” and “the same” for our family as possible.
Quickly, it became obvious this transition would be different. Again I heard the Spirit whisper, “intentionality” in my ear. With His urging and leading I began to reframe my thoughts.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Fear of leaving and being without all the comforts of my home became something new and redeemed.:
“In the past, I have been closest to God and gotten to know Him most through times of hard transition.”
“Before when things have been hard and unstable, I find it easiest to lean on the Rock of my Salvation.”
“Even though having very little, and living out of a suitcase for a very long time will be hard (and quite honestly will be very crummy at times) hopefully this season will break some of my long-held attachment to things that God never intended to capture my heart.”
In the narrative of our lives, God is never the villain. He is the redeemer. He is the creative author who can take any plot and twist it into something surprisingly lovely for the characters. Can can redeem our circumstances, and even more miraculous, he can redeem our thinking.
Let me get back to where I started. Last night Derek and I were discussing our options.
“Well, if we find a long term renter we’ll need everything moved out of the Rapid house by the end of September.”
“But our house in Minot will be under construction. Where will we put it all?”
“Probably the basement.”
“What if we left furniture in Rapid City and kept running it as a vacation house?”
“I don’t know. I’m thinking about the holidays. How long do we really want to live like gypsies?”
“I don’t know what the best solution is. Maybe leave it as a short term rental until after Christmas? That will give us time to get some renovation started and by then we’ll all be living in the same place, in a house of our own.”
“How do you feel about not having our things for that long?”
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
And that’s when it hit me that God has been up to something. I was honestly okay with it. Now, I’m not saying that’s our final solution. I have no idea how this is all going to shake out. But I wasn’t yearning for the things that I own. For a girl who craves “home” that’s a really big deal.
All in all, this is my long, drawn out way of trying to offer you encouragement. What are you facing right now that seems impossible? What thinking do you wish you could shed? Turn on its head? Redeem? Becoming intentional (more purposeful) is a process. And it’s not a process that falls on our shoulders to bear. It’s a process led by the Holy Spirit–we simply need to bring an earnest heart and a teachable spirit to the table.
You’ll be hearing more about the soap opera that is our transition in the days, weeks, and months to come. But for now, be encouraged.
Today I’m sharing some of the most impactful things I have learned while studying Ephesians 1. I’d love it if you told me what most affected you from this chapter!
Season One
I really like TV. I know I probably shouldn’t say that. Because “good” Christians don’t watch TV. But here I am, admitting that I like TV. I watch a lot less TV than I did before I became a mom. (For obvious reasons.) And my TV consumption has gotten more picky as I’ve matured in my faith. I’ve come to understand the importance of what I put into my mind, even passively. (Which is a different topic altogether.)
Have you ever been watching TV and been several seasons in and thought: How’d we even get here? Then you wrack your brain for what happened in those early episodes. Or you go back and rewatch the first season. (I’m specifically remembering watching Lost all those years ago.)
Maybe you have a favorite show that you watch all the way through to the series finale and then cycle right back to season 1, episode 1. (The Office, anyone??) Suddenly you see how the whole series fit together. Then, you revel in the nostalgic beauty that is that very first episode. It perfectly lays the stage for the whole plot.
Sometimes it pays off to go back to the beginning and remember how the whole plot started.
Ephesians 1: God’s Redemptive Plan
Paul does this same thing in the opening chapter of Ephesians.
If you read my Ephesians primer, you know he is addressing believers in the ancient city of Ephesus. Paul kicks off his letter by going all the way back to the beginning. Or in this case, the prequel to the beginning. Before he begins giving instructions for Christian living, he answers the question: How did we get here? He takes readers all the way back to Season One to give them a fuller appreciation of the greater plot that has and is still taking shape.
Paul starts by reminding his readers (including you and me) where the path of redemption and rightness with God started.
You might be tempted to say that God’s redemptive plan started immediately after the first sin took place in the Garden of Eden. Paul, however paints a different picture.
You see, Paul tells us God’s plan for us started before sin. Ephesians 1 tells us this plan started before the Garden, even before Genesis 1.
…just as He chose us in Him [Christ] before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him.
Ephesians 1:4, emphasis mine
Do you see the timeline?! God chose us in Christ to be holy and blameless before the foundation of the world. Before sin ever entered the picture God had already chosen to make a way for us to be right with Him. There has never, even for one second, been a time that God didn’t have a plan for us to be with Him.
He knew sin was a possibility. But that doesn’t matter. Before the earth was created. Before Adam lost a rib, God had already decided that we could stand blameless before Him, if we stand before Him in Christ.
Decided Beforehand
In love, He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will…
Ephesians 1:5 emphasis mine
Yikes. Predestined. That’s a scary, hot-button word. If we aren’t careful we can get into fruitless debates about the P-word. Don’t go there. The word predestined here is the Greek word proorizō, meaning “decided beforehand.” Let’s stick with that definition.
Not only did God choose us to be right before Him through Jesus, he also decided beforehand that we would be adopted as His children (and all the good things that come with being someone’s child.) We aren’t just nameless people able to stand blameless before a judge. We are God’s own children.
In love God decided beforehand that we would be:
fully adopted (1:5)
given grace (1:6)
redeemed and forgiven (1:7)
given an inheritance (1:11, 14)
sealed by the Holy Spirit (1:13)
And all of this was decided according to God’s kind intentions.
God’s Kind Intentions
Here’s another thing I hate to admit. I’ve believed a lot of lies in my lifetime. One of the most damaging lies I have believed is that God’s intentions are not always kind.
I don’t know if I would have come out and said that I thought God was unkind. My thoughts on God’s character were tangled and confused and incorrect. What I believed about God’s character is too confusing to put into words right here in a way that you might understand. What I can tell you is that my behavior and thoughts did not reflect a heart that believed God is kind.
As with lots of deeply ingrained lies, I must remain diligent to dispel it any time it creeps back into my mind and my heart.
There are many places in Scripture we can turn to, to gain an understanding of God’s character, but Ephesians 1 has become my favorite. This chapter concisely tells us who God is and what His will looks like.
When I am tempted to believe that God is not kind, or that He should not be kind to me, I turn here.
I look at the verb trail and the timeline.
We see evidence of God’s kind intentions in how He made a way for us to be fully right and fully reconciled to Him before the earth was ever formed. Before we could ever do anything to earn or lose His kindness.
The Mystery of God’s Will
He did more than just make a way for us. He also let us in on the mystery of His will. Look at verse 9.
He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him [Christ}…
Ephesians 1:9 emphasis mine
I can tend to have a selfish view of “God’s will.” (Maybe I’m not the only one?) When I talk about God’s will, I’m often referring to God’s specific will for me. I have been known to search high and low for His will–thinking that it is a grand mystery He is hiding from me…and if I could figure it out my life would be easier and more streamlined. (I told you I had confusing ideas about God’s character.) But Paul is telling us that God’s will is bigger than where we go to college or what job we plan to pursue.
Don’t get me wrong, those things matter to God….but don’t make my mistake. Don’t become too blinded by selfishness to see the grander, greater mystery at work.
God’s ultimate will is that we know Him. The mystery of God’s will is not whether I will write a book, have more children, get a “real” job or die of a moose attack in North Dakota. The most mysterious thing about God’s will is how a perfect, pure, wonderful God could ever reconcile sinful mortals to Himself.
The mystery has already been made known: that we can be right with God through the work Jesus did on our behalf. A work that was carried out because ultimately, God’s intentions toward us are kind.
God is kind.
Our Part
God decided before the foundation of the world that anyone who came to Him through Jesus would be holy, blameless and adopted. Our job is simply to go to Him in Christ, to accept the plan and put our faith in Jesus.
I hope you’ve already made that decision and this is just a nostalgic reminder of Season 1. But if not, now is a great time to accept God’s kind intention toward you. Step into His plan. He made a way for you to get to God through Jesus. It’s a mystery, but boy is it sweet.
It’s January 21st. So technically we are already well in to 2019. Side note: every year when I type up that new digit I think…how did we get so far from the 90’s??! On the outside I’m getting permanent creases in my forehead and more and more removed from all things “relevant.” But inside I promise you, I still think it’s 1998 or 2006.
Look. I’m already getting off topic.
Every year I tend to get swept away in resolutions and big ideas for the upcoming year. As a chronic learner and curious kitten, it’s very easy to do. Then, come December, I’m disappointed at the things I didn’t do. And somehow instead of welcoming a new year by patting myself on the back for another year well spent, I end up battling the lies of you-didn’t-accomplish-anything-and-you-are-totally-unsuccessful.
A couple years ago a friend told me she views January as a grace period. And that realllly appealed to me.
She explained that instead of putting pressure on herself to get it all together on January 1st, the whole month is a grace period. A time to get back to “normal” after the holiday rush. A time to give a few resolutions a trial run–no shame in returning them if they aren’t working out. For her it’s a month of getting a few things figured out and not being harsh with herself for things that happened or didn’t happen the previous year.
I liked that idea, but as a type A, super hard on myself type…it was hard to grasp on to.
But here I sit. January 21 and I’ve finally done it. I’ve eased into the new year with a little more kindness toward myself than in the past. And I’m looking toward 2019 with new motivation.
I think grace is a good place to start the year. Grace is so hard to understand and so hard to accept–whether offered from God, ourselves or someone else. Life so often teaches us that we only have what we have earned. And that our identity is defined by what we accomplish, what we do, outward acts. But sometimes we don’t accomplish much (in out own opinion or in the opinion of others), we don’t do much, and our acts fall short. Sometimes we don’t measure up. Sometimes we mess up.
It is so dangerous to hinge our identity on these fallible things. If the outward things don’t line up–our identity is lost as well.
That’s a mistake I’ve made in Januaries past. Setting my sights on goals and dreams that ride on my own works (along with luck and circumstances.) Then, if things don’t shake out…I feel like a failure.
Grace is giving someone something freely. Not because they’v earned it, or worked for it. It’s actually the opposite. Often with grace the recipient has not even come close to earning it. Instead it’s free. Totally free. Favor unearned.
This year, I’ve got a few simple goals. And my main objective (especially for this month) is to extend grace. Both to myself and those around me.
There is a reason so many of Paul’s letters to early churches open with “…Grace and Peace to you…”
When we can grasp hold of grace–especially the grace of God–knowing that His intentions toward us are kind, because of His love–not because of anything we’ve done–we can then truly have peace.
Grace and peace.
It’s still something I’m working on.
Here’s to a year of grace. Will you join me?
And if you are wondering. Here are my simplified resolutions.
Extend grace.
Add more intentionality throughout my day.
Find a routine that works for me at this season of life. (A routine that includes the Bible, writing, exercising and time with Derek and Giddy.)
Be stronger in December 2019 than I was in 2018 (this won’t be hard since right now I’m at an all time physical weak point)
Get a few things on my website cleaned up.
Pick up a little before I leave the house and before I go to bed.
Let’s talk about being wise. A couple weeks ago I told you about a study in Proverbs I’ve been leading locally. I shared the intro to Inductive Bible Study at that time too. And lemme tell you. I’m loving every minute of it. Seriously, I’m finding it so fun! To me there’s nothing better than learning something new that will kick start my passion for Bible study all over again.
It’s been a while since I led a study and it is so fun, and such a privilege to go through Proverbs with a group of smart, interesting, women who aren’t put off my by geeky nature. Even though every week I’m always a little nervous people are leaving more confused than when they came! (But that’s something I just have to give over to God, right?)
Anyway, I’ll get to the point. I promise, there is a point. Week after week I keep coming back to a truth that stood out to me in the first lesson. I can’t shake it and I can’t hold it in any longer. So…Here’s the nugget that I’ve been holding onto for weeks now: (more…)
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Sweet Success.
If you’ve met me for even half a minute, I’ve likely told you that I hate moving. Like I hate it with a capital H. Which is really too bad, because the life I find myself in requires moves. And lots of them.
It’s not that I dislike the tediousness of the packing. Or that I worry my things will get broken. Or the drag of relocating. Or even fear that I’ll never find another friend ever again.
To be honest, to tell you why I hate moving so much would be really complicated, because I’m not exactly sure why myself. It’s a topic that I’m sure you’ll hear more about in the coming days, months, years (if you keep letting me jabber your ear off.) You’ll hear more about it because the thought of moving touches my heart in a way that very few things do. I love being part of a commuity. Taking part in annual events. Being present in the lives of others. Having those same people present in my life. The opportunity to do a good work that takes time and trust. I crave friends that I’ll be able to be with face to face for more than just three years at a time. (That’s our average stay.)
God has wired me to have a strong connection to home and a yearning to settle in, lay deep roots and crave stability.
All that may seem counterintuitive, since Jesus Himself spoke of not having a place to lay His head. In fact lots of people called by God have found themselves to be wanderers.
But alas…here I am, kicking and fighting against the nomadic life. And after advice, books, prayer, and even paid counseling (which addressed more than just my hatred of moving)–I find that my desire to stay put has very much remained intact. So I’ve drawn the conclusion that this is part of who God has made me to be. It’s my red hottest of hot button issues.
You see–no matter how many times I get yanked out by the roots, I remain optimistic that this next place could (maybe) be my forever home. So I get involved. I get committed. A classic, “You jump, I jump,” situation. (Thank you, thank you to anyone who got that reference.) I volunteer and learn the culture (and in some cases the accordion.) I pick up the slang and a little bit of the accent. I never really care where it is–even if it’s the place no one wants to live (yes, I’m talking about North Dakota)…I just want to stay and never leave.
Total transparency. It’s what I cry my most tears over. It’s what I find myself laying on the kitchen floor over. (That’s often where I do my most pathetic crying.) It’s what I pray about. Stressing over it is what derails my hopes and dreams and ambitions. It paralyzes me with fear sometimes. It’s just about the only thing that stirs up a heated “discussion” between Derek and me. Sometimes it steals my sleep. Sometimes it steals my appetite. More than once I’ve let it steal my peace.
And as you read this–you may think I’m totally crazy. Because to you moving is no big deal. Or -gasp- maybe it’s even something you like to do. That’s totally cool. We can still be friends. In fact…please bottle up some of your bravery and send it to me.
But I bet there is something in your life that causes a similar reaction. Maybe. The symptoms may not be the same. But I’m sure you have a red hottest hot button in your own heart. A metaphorical thorn in the flesh or pebble in your Chacos.
After years (it’s been nearly ten now) of fighting and clawing against my hot button, I’m finally starting to taking a different view. If I’ve tried earnestly all this time to shake it without success, maybe it’s part of who God created me to be. I’ve come to believe that this…one of my biggest weaknesses…is not only a curse. If a stay-putter, craver-of-stability, home-body is part of who God has created me to be, then even this weakness can be a strength for His glory and His Kingdom.
Hear me here. God doesn’t want me living in stress and fear about the day Derek will tell me we’re moving–again. In the narrative of our lives, God is never, EVER the bad guy. Satan would like us to believe that God is setting us up for failure and heartache, by placing these hot buttons in our hearts. But Satan’s identity is lies. He is lies personified and we must be cognizant enough to identify him, deny him and turn our faces back to the Truth.
Let’s transform the way we think about our hot buttons. If God doesn’t intend me to be heart sick–why would He wire me with such a strong longing for home?
Maybe so I will continually need to rest in His stability. Maybe because that desire enables me to establish myself in a community oddly quickly–an asset to a girl who finds herself in a new town every few years. Maybe because that yearning for forever friends means I quickly invest in the lives of those around me. Maybe so I can empathize with others who find themselves away from family. Or so I empathize with those who long to have a place to belong. My optimism about staying put enourages me to continue dreaming, and takes away my fear of making friends.
The truth is, God has equipped me for the unique work He has tasked me with by wiring me to long for stability and crave a forever home. This weakness of mine becomes an asset when placed in God’s hands. It allows me to point back to Him, rely on Him and minister to His people in ways I simply could not if the weakness didn’t exist.
I believe He has equipped you too.
Satan would have us be ashamed of our red hot heart buttons. But if we are in Christ, we have no more shame. None. That means no shame in our weaknesses. And no shame in the things God has created us to care about (**please take a quick note here…God will never wire you to care for/yearn for something that the Bible tells us is against His will or Word.)
It’s time we transform our thinking. Let’s take the things that we consider weaknesses, and instead of brushing them under the rug–take them out, hold them up for the word to see and proclaim them for the glory of God. When we do this, Satan loses all power over our weakness. God can and will bring glory to Himself through our weakness. I firmly believe God will use the side effects of your red hot heart button to better equip you for the work He’d like to task you with. You be you. Own it like a boss. No shame. And be confident in God’s ability to bring good to you and those around you.
I AM AMY AND I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HATE MOVING.
That’s me proclaiming/admitting my weakness and being confident that God is/will use it for His good purpose. Now it’s your turn. Take some time to identify some major weaknesses or heart issues in your life. Pray over them. In what unique ways has God wired you with weakness? How can you transform your thinking about those qualities to understand that God will use them for His glory? How might God be using them already?
But don’t just believe me. Check out this classic quote from Paul. You may have read it before. But read it anew tonight. Are you reading God’s Words, or really believing them for your life? **Remember, Scripture is always best read in context. I encourage you to click over and read the verses around–or the chapter…or whole book while you’re at it–to make sure you are understanding the true meaning of the verses.**
2 Corinth 12: 9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Today I’m talking about journaling. I’ve even got a FREE PRINTABLE for you to help you get in the habit of journaling. If you, like me want to journal…but seem to always fall off the train after a few weeks. You can go straight to the printable here. Or you can read on. Up to you. But know that the photos in this post are from about ten years ago. So, there’s that bonus.
Let me start with an anecdote about college. It feels like it was only a second ago, but really it’s been more like a decade. Yikes. My senior year I studies abroad. I think I started out doing it for the wrong reasons. Those reasons being mostly to run away from my real responsibilities. Things like, getting married, going to real classes, and facing a future that was becoming increasingly uncertain. I was engaged and I was panicking a little because I knew what I’d been studying was not what I wanted to spend my career years doing. Oh, and I was terrified of being married, because the whole idea of “submission” and trusting another person to lead me gave me cold chills every time I thought about it. But those are things we’ll discuss on another day.
So, long story short. Kind of. I ran away. I ran away to London like a Lost Boy to Never Land.
I didn’t know anyone and I didn’t care. Until I had a moment of panic and tears in the O’Hare airport bathroom after going through security. Because, honestly–what was I doing? Suddenly it all seemed crystal clear. This was one of the most idiotic things I’d ever done.
I’m affected by fear. I like routine. I like adventure, but I also like to control it. Nothing in my own rational understanding of myself said this was a good idea. But it was too late. The plane would board in a few hours and I’d return in a few months. That was that.
I dried my eyes and went to my gate and made small talk with the few other students who were flying out of Chicago instead of Indianapolis. All the while my mouth was dry and my palms were sweaty and I was sure everyone would think I was a wimpy, prudish loser. (more…)
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To be honest, to tell you why I hate moving so much would be really complicated, because I’m not exactly sure why myself. It’s a topic that I’m sure you’ll hear more about in the coming days, months, years (if you keep letting me jabber your ear off.) You’ll hear more about it because the thought of moving touches my heart in a way that very few things do. I love being part of a commuity. Taking part in annual events. Being present in the lives of others. Having those same people present in my life. The opportunity to do a good work that takes time and trust. I crave friends that I’ll be able to be with face to face for more than just three years at a time. (That’s our average stay.)
