Previously, I shared a bit about my personal experience with suicidal thoughts. After publishing, I heard from an unexpected number of women–some military dependents, some not. Many held similar fears of hurting their husband’s career or being a burden to those they love. Today is a follow up on the lie that suicide is a loving option. Today I’ll walk us through the maze that love, suicide and mental health can form.
So many who struggle with mental health can relate to perceiving themselves as a burden. It’s a bizarre and dangerous headspace. You dislike yourself and what your existence has become–but you love the people around you. Eventually your perception of yourself becomes so toxic, you start to believe the lie that eliminating yourself is the most loving thing you can do for those around you.
Being you has become unbearable. Ergo, being with you must be unbearable for those you love.
Being you has become unbearable. Ergo, being with you must be unbearable for those you love.
Like I said, it’s a slippery, dangerous trail of thinking–but others in our community have been there.
What can be done?
Depression is a Liar. Turn to the Truth.
First, remember depression is a liar. Then turn to the source of Truth, the Bible.
When I had those toxic thoughts, Derek kindly pointed me to the “Love Chapter,” 1 Corinthians 13. After all, love for the man I married was one of the only things that hadn’t blurred out of focus. With this starting point, I began unravelling a mess of lies. Line by line, piece by piece I cognitively examined what Scripture outlines as loving–at a time when I thought disappearing might be the most loving solution available.
Here’s a bit of how that process looked for me.
Love is patient.
In the Greek this is literally “to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles; to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others.” Now apply that to this toxic thinking.
Love patiently, persistently waits, knowing help and healing may take a while. Those who love you will wait with you, being “slow to anger, slow to punish.” Loving yourself means understanding it takes patience to heal.
Love is kind.
Being kind to yourself means having grace while you find help. Being kind to Derek meant showing grace to the person he loves (me), and choosing intentionally kind words to speak about myself and him.
Love is not jealous/envious.
Love is not jealous of another’s circumstance. Those who love you are not jealous of a different circumstance. I needed to stop comparing myself, situation, troubles, etc to anyone or anything else.
Love trusts.
Choose to trust your loved ones when they tell you, you aren’t a burden. Trust your own tenacity and ability to overcome.
Love hopes.
Love for yourself and those around you means continuing to hope. Hope for a solution. Live in the joy of hope—even when enduring sadness and hardship. Find strength to hope for a future without depression and anxiety. Love does not interfere with others’ hoping for these things alongside you.
Love perseveres/endures.
Real love continues to persevere until a help can be found. Elimination of self is not loving perseverance. Those who love you will persevere through the season. Show love to them by choosing to persevere until help and healing can take root.
The Most Loving Thing You Can Do is Persevere in Finding Healing.
The darkness of depression can cause, even the clearest-thinking individual to become confused by lies and sadness. Depression is painful, can feel shameful and embarrassing, the mental agony can seem unbearable. If you’re there right now, know that healing is possible and it’s out there. The most loving thing you can do is persevering to find healing—not eliminating yourself.
If You Love Someone Struggling, Point Them to the Truth In Love.
If someone you love is in this headspace, love them by pointing them gently to Truth. Remind them it won’t always be like this, they are not a burden, and you’ll fight for healing alongside them. It might save their life.
I NEED YOUR HELP | ONE MORE THING BEFORE YOU GO…
Christian and military spouse. YOUR help will get the book published. The easiest way is click “FOLLOW” on Instagram or sign up for my monthly newsletter via email (below). Your support demonstrates interest in this story and these words of hope.
Above all, thank you for being here and for your support. It’s an honor to share my testimony with you and I’m excited to see the great things God does through your journey.
Trigger warning: In an effort to normalize conversations, I’m sharing my military spouse perspective on suicide and the fear that a mental health crisis may affect our husband’s career. While this account does not contain anything graphic, it does include examples of toxic thoughts.
I asked for help, even in the primary care clinic.
I sat on the crinkly white paper. I’d probably come in with a sore throat. Or maybe it was an earache. Whatever the cause, it was a minor malady. I’d already cried that morning. Somehow I found clothes, brushed my teeth, braided my hair. This appointment was the driving factor getting me out of the house.
The tech took my blood pressure and asked the basic mental health screening questions. A few months prior, I may not have been utterly transparent. Now, I didn’t care if this man thought I was crazy. There was no reason to deny I was in crisis. Some days I could barely function. I was desperate for someone to tell me how I could stop my brain from collapsing.
My answers indicated I needed more help than a round of antibiotics for a sinus infection.
The providers probably meant well, but their words were dangerous.
Here’s the part I hesitate most to share. This scenario played out twice, maybe more, in the months I spent waging war in mental health crisis. I don’t think these healthcare providers acted in malice. As active duty military members, I think they acted according to their mission mindset. Maybe they thought their words would be helpful—maybe they’d be the tough love I needed to “snap out of it.”
I don’t hold a grudge. However, I think recording these encounters is important. Military spouse perspective on suicide and depression needs to be normalized. There is no room for stigma when lives are on the line—and when it comes to depression, lives are on the line.
Once a professional implied I was a burden I started to consider how life would be better without me.
I heard the familiar double-knock that always accompanies a healthcare provider entering a room. We discussed my intake answers.
I remember one asking, “Have you considered how incredibly selfish this is? Your husband is living his career dreams. This is his time. Right now, he needs to focus. This could affect his career. Maybe you can wait and sort this out after he’s done. Just think about it.”
I remember another saying, “Just picture the years of military commitment like a clock counting down. Eventually, you could have a different lifestyle. Then maybe your depression will get better. Until then, try to see this from your husband’s point of view. This is a heavy burden to lay on him. This could affect his career. Can you understand that?”
No. I was never suicidal in that I had a plan. But words like this pushed me dangerously close. Hearing those words from professionals I came to for help was devastating. After these encounters I started considering how much better Derek’s life would be without me.
No, I never had a plan. I never attempted. But there was a season when I was convinced the world would be a better place if I could just be gone.
There’s hope and truth.
Friends, if those words were said to me–they’ve probably been said to someone else. If you’re thinking the people you love most would be better without you, I see you. I’ve been you. And it’s a lie. You’re valuable. It won’t always be this way. There is hope. There is healing. The process of finding that healing can be arduous–I’ve been there, I’m working to make it less so. But healing can be found. You are worth the fight.
Speak truth with grace, tough love doesn’t work.
September is Suicide Prevention Month. The military spouse perspective on suicide needs to change. We need to know it’s safe to share what’s going on. If lives are going to be saved, there is no room for tough love or tough-it-out attitudes.
If I know one thing for certain, it’s that we are fully capable of filling our own minds with negativity, self-doubt and lies. Use your words to speak truth, hope and love. Be honest, but gentle. Depression is complicated and can be life threatening. Let’s lift each other up and point each other to the Source of Hope. You just never know who may be on the brink.
Colossians 3:12-16 | Love each other.
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also. In addition to all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ, to which you were indeed called in one body, rule in your hearts; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
One More Thing
For more encouragement, truth and transparent sharing that will normalize the mental health conversation among milspouses and Christians, join me on Instagram. I’d also love to connect with you through my monthly letter, full of good words and useful bits–see more here.
The following is an excerpt from a journal entry I wrote at the beginning of Derek’s most recent deployment. While he was quarantined stateside (but gone from our home), we had a Zoom meeting with a young couple as part of their premarital counseling. They are the exact ages we were when we got married, 22 and 23. They’d soon be starting their life as a married, military couple. The question we discussed that most stands out to me is, “What is a good thing about deployments?”
Our conversation blessed me. We were two weeks into our latest separation, my first as a mom of two. Honestly, I felt like I was drowning. The clarity this conversation forced on me is exactly what I needed. It was God showing up in the midst of the grief the early days of deployment always bring.
I captured a series of self portraits during the deployment. This one was taken on the day I’d be asked, “What is something good about deployments?”
WHAT IS A GOOD THING ABOUT DEPLOYMENTS?
I glanced at the monitor, amazed that everyone was quiet and sleeping so our conversation could be had in peace. Deployment leaves you a special, unique kind of tired. Today was no exception, but at the same time I was glad to be having this conversation.
“Okay, the next question is…What is something good that comes from times of separation and deployments? Can you tell us a good thing about deployments?” What a wise question to ask.
I was surprised by the answer that was ready on my lips.
“The best thing about being separated from Derek for a season is that it brings clarity about my identity. It forces me to recognize that I am fully complete in Christ alone. My identity does not rest upon being Derek’s wife, or having him around. When he’s gone, I remember that I am fully equipped and capable in Christ to carry on and do what life will ask of me.
“I tend to be a bit of a leech, clinging on to whatever is familiar, especially my people. I had terrible separation anxiety from my parents as a child–then from Derek as an adult. That’s not healthy. These seasons force me to break off any unhealthy attachment and remember that it’s okay to just be Amy. Don’t get me wrong, I hate being away from Derek. But good always comes from it. Good will always come when we more fully submit our identity to God.”
I stand by that. Is it painful? You betcha. Do I wish it could be done a different way? Yep. But this is good. Really good. The kind of good that would be a lot harder to find if I wasn’t forced into a deployment circumstance.
I wish someone had told me that 12 years ago. I wish someone had told me lots of things 12 years ago.
There is hope, there is reason, there is progress. Even in these terribly hard days. It seems like no good will ever come from being forced apart, but with God good things are always probable.
Separation Diary: March 26, 2021
I NEED YOUR HELP | ONE MORE THING BEFORE YOU GO
Recently, I started penning sample chapters for a memoir detailing my experience with mental health crisis as a Christian and military spouse. YOUR help will get the book published. The easiest way is click “FOLLOW” on Instagram or sign up for my monthly newsletter via email (below). Your support demonstrates interest in this story and these words of hope.
Above all, thank you for being here and for your support. It’s an honor to share my testimony with you and I’m excited to see the great things God does through your journey.
Let’s talk about feeling anxiety again after overcoming anxiety.
We got some hard news last week.
In fact it’s the kind of news that is “triggering” for me. Five years ago it would have plunged me into a full panic attack followed by inability to eat, anger, and a dark depression that froze me from carrying out basic daily tasks.
Although I now think of myself as “healed from anxiety and depression,” there is still a corner of my mind that is fearful it will return. Sometimes I’m afraid things will fall completely apart again. And if it does, how will I ever recover?
If you’ve ever dealt with ongoing depression or anxiety you may relate. When I lived with chronic cycles of anxiety and depression I didn’t know when the next lapse would come. When would the news arrive that would plunge me underwater? How long would it last? Would I survive? Would my marriage survive? How many things would fall apart in the meantime?
So, when the news came and met me in my kitchen while I was mid-blend on my nightly smoothie—I felt some fear. I felt an icy cold flash shutter down my body. I felt my heartrate pick up. My mind ran wild with a million thoughts—too fast to capture one and pin it down.
And all the while, I heard my mind whispering, “Is this it? Is this the moment that proves there really is no healing? You are anxious. If you’ve found healing you shouldn’t be anxious.”
After a few minutes, which felt much longer, I realized I wasn’t succumbing. No, this wasn’t a relapse—or the moment that proves healing doesn’t exist. It was a moment that proves that anxiety, sadness, overwhelm, and fear are part of the human experience.
“It was a moment that proves anxiety, sadness and overwhelm are part of the human experience.”
Let me lay some hard-learned truths on you:
If you’ve battled anxiety, depression, self-loathing or any kind of plaguing negativity—healing does exist and it is possible. This is not a cycle you need to live in forever.
Bad news will come knocking. There’s no way to live a life filled with only easy, happy moments.
Living above anxiety doesn’t mean never feel anxious again. It means you’re able to experience anxiety, process it and return to equilibrium and rational thought in a reasonable timeframe.
When something triggers you, it is possible to take your thoughts captive. Your mind works for you—you are its master, not a slave to runaway thoughts.
When something triggers you, you are allowed to grieve through the sadness and anxiety. Being healed from anxiety doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel those emotions.
You are allowed to grieve. If you are feeling anxiety again, even after overcoming anxiety–you aren’t broken.
The truth about grieving is that it is proactive, productive and comes to an end.
Here’s how things progressed for me: I didn’t magically feel instantly better. I didn’t get it figured out. My mind continued to race. My stomach felt sick. I didn’t drink my smoothie. I cried and questioned and mourned that I couldn’t create a quick solution. The night was restless. My eyes were puffy in the morning. Tears started up again over the coffee maker. All the while my heart was crying out in groans only the Holy Spirit could interpret—because I wasn’t even sure how to pray. Eventually I pulled myself together through most of the day. But then the tears started again over dinner.
Days passed. Slowly things got easier, more clear. The shock wore off and anxiety hadn’t swallowed me up. Nothing was fixed, but Derek and I were united in prayer and making an intentional choice to trust God. To stand on the Truth that He can bring blessing and redemption from awful circumstances. We’ve seen Him do it before and we believe He can do it again.
I can’t tell you how this particular season is going to resolve. But this is a testimony that you are allowed to feel anxious, even after overcoming anxiety.
Formore encouragement, testimony and applicable techniques and tips for a positive, intentional life, join me on Instagram and Facebook!
I’ve spent lots and lots of nights laying awake, battling unwanted thoughts. I’ve spent days frozen in fear brought on by ideas dancing through my head. Panic attacks, racing heart, sweaty hands, the feeling of being utterly, hopelessly stuck. If any of that sounds familiar to you, I’m glad you’re here. This is for you. It’s time to take your thoughts captive. Let me tell you what has worked for me.
Not all that long ago the thought of sitting in a nursery with a little on the way made my blood run cold.
I remember sitting in a tiny Mexican restaurant several years ago–nearly in tears as I told Derek I thought it was time to start a family. These were not happy tears or tears of expectation. They were tears of fear. But alas, we were getting older and had been married nearly 10 years. This is what came next. Like it or not.
I’d been laying awake at night, distracted during the day. Being a mom terrified me. My mind had accepted lies (some created by me, others fed to me over many years) about motherhood. These lies told me that being a mom meant life was over. If I hadn’t achieved “success” by the time I got pregnant I never would. Being a mom meant I’d amount to nothing and all the good things God had handed me would be wasted. It meant I would be a failure–to myself, God and my spouse. (More on lies here.)
Lies or no lies, we were getting older. This is what needed to be done. By stating I thought we should start a family, I was giving up on a lot of things.
Intentionality in Thought is to Take Your Thoughts Captive
I will spare you many more details. The story ends like this: We didn’t have kids at that time. My mind went from this state of anxiety and unwanted thoughts to a full break (more here). Eventually I found healing. During that process I started to notice lots of unwanted thoughts floating around my mind. About motherhood, and lots of other things. And I decided not to let them run my life any more.
God had given me the word intentionality (read about that here) and I began applying it to my thoughts. I stopped being prey for lies and scary thoughts and started being their predator. I began to take those thoughts captive.
And today, I’m going to share how you can take your thoughts captive too.
Identify Strongholds
Before you being to take your thoughts captive, you must identify strongholds.
What IS a stronghold?
Until I was coming out of a mental health crisis I had never heard the term “stronghold” used as Christian jargon. A friend gave me this book–and it had a huge impact on my healing. I understood what a stronghold was and knew that was exactly what I’d been fighting for the last few months.
Max Lucado has a great post on strongholds here. This is a quote that sums it up:
What is that one weakness, bad habit, rotten attitude? Where does the devil have a stronghold on you? Ahh, there is the word that fits–stronghold–fortress, citadel, thick walls, tall gates. It’s as if the devil has fenced in one negative attribute, one bad habit, one weakness and constructed a rampart around it. “You ain’t touching this flaw,” he defies to heaven and he places himself squarely between God’s help and your: __[insert stronghold here]_______.
Literally, where does Satan have a strong hold on you? For me…it was lots of places.
This is uncomfortable to think about. It requires vulnerability, an admission that you are flawed and have been deceived.
Welcome to the club. Let me, and the whole of Scripture assure you, you are not alone.
Remain Teachable
The sermon at church on Sunday centered on renewing the mind. It so closely mirrored my outline for this post it was eerie. Anyway, our pastor had a great quote that I’ll share here about strongholds:
[Strongholds] keep us from being who God wants us to be and receiving what God wants to give us.
Strongholds are the key to thinking intentionally and taking your thoughts captive. Identify where Satan has a hold on your thoughts–where are they running amok? Then remain teachable to correct those thoughts and overcome.
Fear is a red flag that I am withholding something from God.
Fear is a red flag that I/you/we are withholding something from God. For me, the gripping fear of being a mom meant I was withholding my career, ideal of success, trust in His provision, trust in His ability to use my gifts from God.
If you cannot humble yourself to learn, incorrect, destructive thoughts will continue to control your mind processes. This in turn, will leave you enslaved to your fears and unruly ideas.
Accept That Not All Thoughts Are Wanted or Needed
It’s a myth that we cannot control our thoughts, that everything in our minds is put there by God.
Thoughts are influenced and implanted in our minds from many sources. Key being: worldly influence and lies/fear surrounding our strongholds. (This is why the Audit in Part II is so important to daily, intentional living.)
Once you accept that not all thoughts are needed, you are free to ruthlessly take your thoughts captive and throw the unwanted to the dumpster. Chase them down and eliminate them. You can restrain your thoughts. Your mind can renewed. (Romans 12:2)
Redirect
Okay, you identified where you are vulnerable (strongholds) and accepted that not all thoughts need to take up your valuable headspace. You’ve taken your thoughts captive and know you want to be rid of them.
Now what?
Now is the time for redirection. If the space that those thoughts occupied remains empty, it’s an invitation for them to reenter. (See Col 3:1-5)
Redirection is easier to say than do. Just think of something else. *insert eye roll here** I know firsthand that it’s not as simple as just wishing you could think of something else. I’ve been there.
Those unwanted thoughts that you just can’t shake are fruit from the tree of fear and anxiety. They’re a sign that a lie has taken root in your heart and mind. Identify the root of the lie, yank it out, and replace it with Truth.
This takes work. Auditing (see part II) and eliminating things you have come to like. But the freedom it brings is worth all the eliminating and auditing in the world.
How to Redirect Your Thoughts
When I was most in need of intentionality in my thinking I put a huge limit on what was speaking into my life. I shut down all the voices, except a very few that I knew were speaking truth. Here are helpful techniques to redirect/correct lots of very tricky, unwanted thoughts:
Commitment to be in the Word daily.
Praying daily for the Holy Spirit to open my eyes to strongholds and teach me to overcome them.
Praying daily that my eyes would be open to the lies I’d been deceived by and the Truth God wanted me to understand.
When I didn’t know how to pray, I turned back to this book.
Researching one topic at a time, journaling/listing everything God said about that topic. (For me I looked into every reference to God as a father, parents, parenting, and mothers.)
Pressing pause on all unscriptural voices speaking into me (social media, TV, movies, books, audiobooks, etc.)
Follow Jesus’ example. When He was tempted by lies and unwanted thoughts He turned to God’s Word to shut them down. (Matt 4:1-11). Humbly accept that what you may think is true may be flawed. Be in the Word, redirect your mind to Truth.
Ruthlessly remove anything that negatively affects your mind and ability to absorb God’s Word.
This last point is key. There is no quick fix for taking your thoughts captive, eliminating unwanted thinking and being totally intentional in your mind. It’s going to take time and practice (see Part II).
But you can do it. Really, you can.
Your thoughts should not be master over you. You can one Master and His yoke is kind. His will is not to keep you pinned under the weight of fear inflicted by thoughts He never intended to fill your mind.
Begin to weed out the lies and what you are withholding from God–these are at the root of unwanted thoughts. Address them one at a time. Then, when things have cleared up, continue the practice. You must be diligent not to let them reenter. New strongholds may arise, but you will be equipped with intentionality, to master what is in your mind and redirect it with Truth.
Join me on Instagram and Facebook for more on intentionally living for Christ, knowing His Word and seeing His hand in daily living. If you are liking this series, share it and let me know! I’d love to hear from you.
I’ve seen it work in my own life, in my own walk with anxiety and depression. Today, I’m sharing action steps to start living intentionally everyday.
Between 2014 and 2016 something happened to my brain. The term “break down” has a bad connotation. But things started to fall apart in my brain during the summer of 2014. I continued down a slippery slope until things really came to a head in the winter of 2015. By then, things had really eroded. I refused to accept that the mental state (anguish) I was experiencing was my “new normal.”
In the early months of 2016 I found a counselor who told me it didn’t need to be this way. After spending nearly two years in mental agony and seeking help for about 18 months, he was the first professional who told me healing was possible. He was the first person who believed I could overcome and fully heal.
He was right.
When I Started to Living Intentionally Everyday
When I entered counseling, I was learning many things and trying to put them into practice. In essence, to create “new, normal” thinking patterns–after many years of patterns that had culminated in cyclical anxiety and depression. I won’t go into all the details, but I will tell you that I asked God to give me a word that I could use as a mantra. Something that summed up many of the things I was learning. The word He laid on my heart?
Intentionality.
Intentionality in who I listened to, what I accepted as truth, to root out lies, about how I spent my time and what I said yes to. I needed to cultivate intentionality in the words that I spoke (especially to myself), boundaries I established and what came into my home (and mind.)
Intentionality is a force that started small, and truly transformed the way I thought and the overwhelm in my mind.
Intentionality is a mind game. And it’s a game you can win. It starts by putting purpose and thought into your everyday decisions. That grows into confidence and a routine that will flow out into the rest of your life. Leaving you calmer, knowing that your commitments aren’t controlling you, and with headspace (and time) to take on tasks God designed you for.
Today I’m sharing a few action steps you can take toward living intentionally everyday.
Decide
When I talk to friends about intentionality and anxiety something that comes up over and over is decision making. The thought of making a decision–or a wrong decision–causes sweaty palms and a medusa-like freeze up.
Intentionality is a mind game.At first it feels awkward, because it’s a new way of thinking. You’ve spent years training your mind to freeze up at the thought of making a choice. Living intentionally everyday, starts and ends with making intentional decisions. Start building your confidence today by purposefully making small choices each day.
Rehearse Out Loud
Set yourself up to make some easy decisions. Then practice saying it out loud. Truth is, you make choices all day, everyday. Practicing out loud (in front of your child, spouse, or home alone) will help you see that you aren’t as terrible at making choices as you may think.
When you decide what to do next, what to eat, etc say it. State the decision and a why. The why is important–this is the intentional part. “I’m going to fold laundry now because it’s an activity the kids can help with. I’ll deep clean the bathroom later, while they are napping.”
You might feel silly, but you’ve got to start somewhere.
As you make these small decisions, stick to them. A great place to practice is with a child. State your decision, then follow through. “Two more times down the slide, then we need to go home for dinner.” Say it. Do it.
Audit
Living intentionally everyday means you need to examine what is currently in your life, and make cuts as needed. Here are ways to get started.
Audit Your Daily To-Do List
Lots of my anxiety (even panic) was induced from a task list that was too long and too powerful. If I didn’t get it done, I felt guilty, thought I couldn’t do anything right, and fed myself lies of low self-worth.
Here are action steps to audit your to-do list.
Make a conscious decision to say “no” to a task. Mark it off as you prioritize other tasks. I found saying it aloud or in my head–the choice and the “why”–to be helpful. “I’m not going to get the floor mopped today. It’s more important to take advantage of the nice weather and go to the zoo before it closes for winter.”
Accept that you can’t do it all. Refrain from guilt. “I need to finish painting the nursery. That means tidying up the living room will need to wait.”
Audit Your Intake
What are you taking in? Mentally? Emotionally? Educationally? What are you absorbing through social media, TV, music? What voices speak into your mind, heart and family?
At the height of my mental health crisis I turned everything off. For a season I left social media, TV, audiobooks, books and movies. I read and listened only to the Bible or Bible study videos. I limited who I spoke to and shared my struggles with. Eventually I turned things back on. But bad habits had been broken and I was able to make healthier, more intentional choices.
Audit Your Home
Similar to auditing your intake, you can take steps toward intentionality by examining what is currently in your home and what you bring in. Are you surrounded with positive messages? Or oppressive clutter? Are you bringing in items haphazardly because you don’t want to see them thrown away? Or thoughtfully choosing what crosses your threshold?
Audit Your Commitments
Purposefully look at the commitments filling your calendar. Are you overwhelmed? Challenge: cut out one commitment. Use polite, but firm language. I assure you, nearly everyone is more understanding about your need to step away than you are.
**I don’t encourage you to leave a team in the lurch. Wrap up your duties and step down. Or speak to the person in charge to make a plan to transition out.
Pause
Pausing is critical to living intentionally everyday. It’s a technique that you’ll benefit from the rest of your life. It goes like this: just pause.
After you’ve audited, start pausing before you add anything back in.
When asked to do something, pause. If you are spending money–first pause. Responding to a fussy toddler or sassy teen? Pause. Adding something to your to-do list? Pause. Turning on the TV, renting a movie, downloading a new audio book? Pause.
Intentionality is purposeful, not a knee-jerk reaction. Practice pausing and taking a moment, or days to come up with an intentional, well-thought response. This will open space in your schedule, home, and mind for things that matter, things that excite your heart and use your God-given gifts.
Own It
Own the decisions you make. The opposite of intentional living is random living. This is not the design God had in mind for us.
We were designed with purpose, structure, order. It’s no wonder that our minds and hearts are more at ease when these principles are in play within our everyday existence.
Random living puts power in forces that are not meant to have dominion over you. Intentional living gives that power back. Own each decision you make. Manifest the truth that you are in control.
If you intentionally decide something and it goes totally amiss–just make another decision. You had reason for choosing what you did. Sometimes things just go wrong. Make a different choice next time…or make a choice right now to get things back on track.
Practice
Like most things worth pursuing, intentionality will take practice and self discipline. However, it will get easier. Commit to practicing a more intentional lifestyle. Choose one of the action steps above to start with. Then add another as you become practiced at the first.
Set a small goal, then take intentional steps toward accomplishing it. Think very small and very specific. Examples: Memorizing one Bible verse each week for a month. Going for a walk everyday for a week. Getting to bed 30 minutes earlier for a week. Etc.
More On Living Intentionally Everyday
Next week’s Intentional Living post will cover taking our thoughts captive and practicing intentionality in our thinking.
In the meantime, I’d love it if you joined me on Facebook and Instagram where I share about cultivating intentionality and a Christ-centered perspective daily. And remember to share this if it’s helped you or touched your heart!
I’m launching a new short series all about Intentionality. Today I’m sharing how intentionality relieves anxiety. Other posts in the series will cover: Action Steps to Intentionality, Intentionality in your mind (taking your thoughts captive), and Cultivating an Atmosphere of Intentionality at Home.
I’ve talked before about my struggles with mental health. I feel God pulling on my heart to share more. Battling anxiety and depression is exhausting and oh-so-hard. But I’ve found complete healing and I think others can too. So I’m planning content that will share more of that journey with you. Starting with this series. *At the end of this post is a simple prayer for the anxious heart!*
When God Whispered Intentionality
Several years ago while in the midst of a mental health crisis and counseling I cried out to God. I asked Him to pass me a word that would sum up lots of what I’d been learning the new thought patterns I was trying to make “normal.” A word that would help me move forward.
Intentionality.
I heard it whispered into my heart. Plucked from all the words in my vocabulary. As always, God knows the heart and He gave me a good gift. It’s exactly what I needed to hear.
Focusing on cultivating intentionality, being intentional in my actions, thoughts and decisions was key for me in finding complete healing from depression and anxiety. I really do believe complete healing is possible. For you. For your loved ones.
Whether you are having a mental crisis, like I was–or just want to tame stress and indecision, I’m here for you. Over the next few weeks I’m going to share how I implemented intentionality in my life and how it gave my mind freedom to heal. How it continues to give me confidence to move forward, without wallowing in guilt over what I “could have” “should have” or “might have” done.
Case Study: Living in a Renovation
As we wrap up the remodel of our second floor, (in case you don’t know, when I’m not writing, creating or teaching, I work to oversee renovations on our 1927 fixer upper. See a before tour here. Follow on Instagram for all the behind the scenes fun in my stories) I realized this is the perfect time to talk about intentionality.
When a big project is happening, I get overwhelmed. In the past, taking on many things at once triggered anxiety and panic. In turn, this brought on a depression.
This is the thought waterfall that would progress.
I couldn’t get it all done at once. Panic. Feelings of anxiety, guilt and sadness set in based on my lack of performance. Thoughts of low self worth followed. Those thoughts manifested into belief, which manifested into depression.
It took time to identify and break those deeply rooted thought patters–and lots of work to create a new, “normal” way of thinking and processing. Cultivating intentionality helps me avoid falling into that trap and maintain my calm and confidence.
Over the last month I’ve needed to scrape mountains of peeling paint, repair plaster, paint, refinish floors, cut and install trim, clean up debris…etc. This was all happening while I stay-at-home-mommed full time, wrote studies and resources here on the blog, hosted friend gatherings at our home, carried out the other day-to-day tasks of being an “at home” parent, and said “yes” to ministry opportunities God laid in front of me.
My plate has been full. I bet yours has been too. In no way am I trying to be the Little Red Hen about this. I have help. I have an amazing husband. It’s just an illustration that things have been overwhelming and this could have easily taken on a panicky aspect.
How Cultivating Intentionality Relieves Anxiety and Offers Freedom and Confidence.
I can’t cover all the ways intentionality relieves anxiety in one post. That’s where the series comes in. Today I’m sharing how being intentional has relieved my anxiety and brought freedom into my busy, overworked mind. It can work for you too.
In the following weeks I’ll cover:
Action steps to intentionality
Intentionality in your mind (taking your thoughts captive)
Cultivating an atmosphere of intentionality at home
1. Confidence in Decision Making
Are you frazzled by decision-making? Do you have regrets or beat yourself up for making a “wrong” decision? Does anxiety over possibly making a wrong decision plague you? If so, let me introduce you to intentionality.
As I work on the house, many decisions need to be made. Often with a toddler crawling on me, or in spare minutes between renovations, meals and nap time. Not every choice I’ve made has been perfect. But they’ve all been intentional. I haven’t been anxious or sleepless. By practicing intentionality in my decisions I have gained confidence. Now, decisions (even tricky ones) are made more quickly, effectively and without regret.
2. Intentionality Puts You in Control
Ever feel like things are spinning out of control? Things are being thrown on your plate without consent? You are running as fast as you can but you can’t catch up. Have you felt helpless? If this is you, let me teach you about intentionality.
In the midst of a huge renovation things can easily seem to get out of control. The to-do list is long. Daily responsibilities don’t go away. And it always seems like new opportunities to serve are cropping up–adding more weight to an already heavy plate.
Purposefully bing intentional puts you in control. Not your to-do list. Not the needs of others. You’ll be in awe of what you can accomplish once this power struggle is gone.
3. Relief From Inadequacy
Thoughts of inadequacy used to plague me. Do they haunt you sometimes too? Let’s get intentional.
It’s easy to slide into the belief that you are inadequate when you’re under a mountain of stress (or a giant mess left over from a remodel). I get it. There is always more to be done. A mind practiced in intentionality will take ownership of how time and skill are stewarded. This mind grips God’s truth. You are not made adequate by your works, but by His completed work.
Cultivating intentionality shines truth on the lie of inadequacy. You are in control of the time and skill God has given you. With God’s help, you can take your thoughts (and to-do list) captive and live in freedom.
4. Being Comfortable With Limitations
Are you cool and collected toward the reality that you have limitations? I’m speaking from experience. Trying to do it all, all the time is a fool’s errand. Eventually, it’ll leave you frozen, making spastic progress–neither an ideal outcome.
As with any project, things look worse before they look better. There comes a boiling point where I need to recognize my limitations. and make intentional decisions. Will I cook dinner, or finish plastering a wall? Can I live with the mess in the living room and power through a second coat of floor finish? Will I finish painting trim after bedtime, or just take a shower and go to sleep?
To complete house projects, things in other areas need to slide a little. The photo above shows how my house really looked as I neared the end of the messy work upstairs. Toys strewn about. Chairs stacked up (in hopes that mopping would happen soon.) General disarray.
I needed to chose how to spend my time and own that decision with confidence. Sometimes I chose to plough through tasks upstairs. Sometimes I took a day off and tamed and tended the first floor. No regrets, only a heart of gratitude for the time God hands me and the rest He gifts us.
5. Replace Anxiety With Confidence
To sum it up, chunks of my anxiety have been replaced with confidence, simply by cultivating intentionality. Where nervousness used to reign, calm confidence now lives. Intentionality relieves anxiety. Very purposeful thinking has swept away things past anxiety and panic triggers.
Intentionality Relieves Anxiety
Maybe it’s silly. Or oversimplified. But it worked for me. And I believe it can help you too. Next week I’ll share specific action steps that helped me move toward intentional thought patterns that have become my new normal.
In the meantime, I’d love to have you join me on Facebook an Instagram. There you’ll join a community striving to live intentionally and see the world through a Christ-centered lens. I share daily encouragement and anecdotes of how I see God’s hand in everyday life. You can also sign up for emails below. That way you’ll never miss a post–and you’ll be sure to catch the entire Intentionality series.
A Simple Prayer For an Anxious Heart
Jesus, I know you don’t call me to live in fear, overwhelm or nervousness. But that’s easier said than done. Teach me to be intentional with my time, skills and decisions. To follow in your example of intentionality as you taught, healed and ministered during your earthly ministry. Open my mind to understand the Truth of Your freedom, and to dispel the lies of inadequacy, guilt and low self worth that stem from an anxious heart. Give me a teachable spirit to learn a new way of thinking that better aligns with your best for me. Amen.
The Bible is a BIG book. Now you’ve finished reading the Bible in 90 Days. That’s a BIG accomplishment. Don’t let your momentum go. If you’re wondering what’s next read on.
We did it! (Or we’re on our way to finishing!) Over the weekend we passed the “official” 90th day of the 90 Day Bible Reading Challenge. It’s wild to think that summer is nearly over and it’s been three months since the challenge started.
As always, I’ll remind you: If you aren’t done, that’s totally okay! It’s more important that you are reading through the Bible in a condensed timeline, than the actual amount of days it takes. The goal here is to get a good overview and understanding of what the Big Picture of the Bible looks like. When read in a short span, we are less likely to forget details.
So whether it took 90 days or you are more on track to finish in 100 (or 150), keep going! You can do it! And you’ll be so glad you did.
With the challenge over and fresh in my mind, I wanted to share some follow up/reflection with you. And if you didn’t join in the Challenge, that’s okay too–maybe some of these reflections will sell you on the idea and you’ll give it a try through the fall. (Get the reading plan here.)
What Now?
Anytime you finish a Bible study or reading strategy, I recommend some reflection before moving on. The rest of the post is an example of my reflection and questions I use to decide what to do next.
Things I’ve Noticed About Myself After Reading The Bible in 90 Days
Whenever I complete a challenge for reading the Bible in 90 days, I ALWAYS notice positive change in myself. Inevitably I think–I should do this more often! But life comes up, and cyclically reading the entire Bible every 90 days isn’t sustainable in my life.
No matter. Every time I complete a cycle I’m reminded of just how powerful God’s Word is. Here are five things I’ve noticed in my mind, attitude and heart through the challenge.
Captive Thoughts. I have had more control over my thoughts. Taking my thoughts captive (II Cor 10:5) now comes with relative ease. Anxiety, worries, lies–they are taken captive, bound, tossed aside and replaced with Truth. Listening/reading big portions of Scripture also leaves little space for those lies to creep into my mind.
Godly Musings. When I wasn’t listening to Scripture, my thoughts were still there. The things I’ve wondered about and talked about have been godly. This practice has made it habit to “set my mind on things above, not on earthly things.” (Col 3:2)
Demeanor. My demeanor is calmer. I organically have more patience and understanding. I see the fruit of the Spirit naturally growing and manifesting in my life.
Intentionality. It’s been so rewarding to see that I can set a goal and achieve it. God has shown me when I pursue Him intentionally, He will make space. The excuses of being in the midst of a remodel, or caring for a 2 year old or being pregnant didn’t stand in the way. With determined intentionality, reading Scripture became a natural part of the day that felt nothing like work.
God’s Voice. I’ve been able to discern God’s voice and inspiration in my heart more clearly.
Ways My Understanding of Scripture Deepened While Reading the Bible in 90 Days
Any purposeful reading of Scripture will deepen our understanding. But here are some specific things (I limited myself to only five) that stood out to me during this reading. Yours will probably be different than mine!
The Sabbath. I gained a deeper understanding of the Sabbath, its meaning and importance. I was so inspired I wrote a series all about Sabbath rest. You can read more here.
The Prophets. This reading plan helped me understand where the prophets fit into the Old Testament narrative, and the Big Picture of the Bible.
Remembrance. Frequently God tells His people to remember. Specifically, to remember the history of Abraham, Moses and Egypt. This history is used throughout Scripture to rebuke, remind, and persuade others of the credibility of God as Yahweh and Jesus as Messiah. It’s important to have an understanding of OT history to explain and defend the credibility of Christ.
The Epistles. The letters to churches recorded in the New Testament are written to different audiences from different authors at different times in different places. Yet so much of the instruction and language is nearly verbatim in its overlap. While each letter is unique, reading them all in a short time opened my eyes to how cohesive these teachings are. This gives deep credibility to their message and testifies to the fact that they witnesses of Jesus. (For more on eye-witness credibility, I highly recommend Cold Case Christianity by J Warner Wallace.)
Sanctification. People are truly only sanctified (set apart, special, made righteous) by God. Through everything, God demonstrates that no person or people group is special on their own. They are special because HE sanctifies them. People cannot and will never be able to achieve righteousness apart from God.
What Next?
Now that this big challenge is drawing to a close it’s important to have a plan for what comes next. Don’t let the new habits and momentum you’ve built up fade away. Be intentional and create a plan that will move you forward now that you’ve finished reading the Bible in 90 days (or maybe a few more.)
Here are some things to ponder as you decide how to move forward. Start with prayer. Where is He calling you to deepen your understanding? Is He calling you to step out as a study or small group leader? Spend time chatting with Him.
What stumped you? What was confusing or raised questions? Dig deeper and search until you’ve got answers have reached a place of understanding.
What was fascinating? Which books or chapters do you wish you could have slowed down and spent more time in? (For me it’s Kings and Chronicles!)
Big chunks or little pieces? Did you enjoy big chunks or are you ready to slow down and dig deep? Reflecting on this will give you a good idea of how to continue in your Bible reading.
Themes. Were there themes that stood out to you? Maybe you’d like to explore them more deeply. (A prime example for me is the Sabbath.)
People, places and times. Is there a person you would like to know better? Is there a place you’d like to know more about? Or is there an era that stood out to you? (Like the divided kingdom, exile, early church, etc.) These are great places to launch an individual study–or track down an organized study that will help you dig deep.
Try journaling your answers. This will help you visualize where you’d like to go next in your Bible reading journey.
Connect and Join the Community
I want to get to know you. Please connect with me on Instagram to get daily encouragement, devotionals and tips for living intentionally in the Kingdom of Christ. You can also find me on Facebook. Or join the email mailing list to be sure you never miss a post. (Just sign up below!)
However you do it, know that I truly, honestly want to know you and encourage you along your faith journey. Together we can be learn to be inspired by God in our daily lives, excited by His Word and motivated to walk in faith–no matter what our circumstances.
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