by Amy | Jan 2, 2013 | Blog, The Art of Living
This is the first day of a new year. Obviously. What better way to look to the future than learn from the past? So lets take a look back at my year’s most awkwardly photographed moments. I’ll try to put them in chronological order.
2012 kicked off with a stellar Mardi Gras season in Louisiana. One of the floats threw out a weird spray-painted mask. So the obvious thing to do was immediately put it on my face.
Shortly after Mardi Gras we went to Gators & Friends where I tried to pet this baby camel. But he nibbled my arm instead. It was all drooly.
Then it was on to a wedding…where I taught everyone to be a creep. What? The groom is a little busy? That’s okay, I’ll just take a photo with his back.
I caused an awkward scene before jumping off the cliff.
Someone else made this photo weird for us. “Oh, could you see me in your picture?” She asked.
The rest of the summer was pretty low key. Then I took a trip to California. I had an amazing day at Sea World. We saw this pet show, afterward you can pet the stars of the show. I accidentally pushed a kiddo out of the way. But I {kind of} got a photo with a super cute dog…
We ran an Urban Adventure Race. Derek had to make a frosting mustache on me. The face I’m making in the lower left corner is quite possibly the most awkward and pathetic image of myself ever taken.
During our trip to Philly, DC, Dover and Lancaster I amused myself at the Liberty Bell while my friends were wandering the museum. See…everyone was crowding the front of the bell {where the iconic crack is} but no one was on the backside. So I got a good close look. Then I just stood back there and smiled in the background of everyone’s vacation photos. Photobombing at its best. The photo below is just a general weird moment…but you can see the tourists in the background.
Derek caught me playing gladiator while shoveling.
I condoned cutting down a “Christmas tree” from a gas station parking lot.
And why not squeeze one more in for good measure? Sometimes I just can’t control my face. Derek’s uncle caught this moment during the family’s White Elephant exchange.
Happy 2013 my lovlies. I’m looking forward to sharing another year with you…where we can continue to laugh at my expense.
Amy
by Amy | Dec 31, 2012 | Blog, The Art of Adventure, The Art of Living
At the stroke of midnight a new year will begin. Each year I come up with a list of things I’d like to do in the upcoming year. But as with most things in my mind/life…it’s not a typical list. Sure I have diet goals, career goals and all that jazz. I just tend to work on those goals constantly. So, without further ado here is my 2013 list of things to do, master, try and travel. I hope you enjoy…and maybe get a couple ideas for your own list. {No particular order of course.}
1. Finish mastering the Rubix Cube. It’s all about memorizing a pattern. I’ve got it all the way to the last side…now, to finish it off.
2. Go to Voyager National Park.
3. Learn to tie knots. Good ones. Like a sailor, or Gale from the Hunger Games.
4. Reupholster a chair. {Not just the seat, but a whole living room chair.}
5. Improve my unicycling skills. I’d like to be able to ride in a circle.
6. Dress my cat up in a lot of costumes and take her photo. Just for laughs.
7. Learn to bake artisan breads.
8. Make macaroons.
9. Get on a letter writing schedule and write more letters…to all the people I love and don’t see very often. And to help me do that….
10. Make personalized stationary.
11. Get my passport updated {it still doesn’t have my married name on it.} Then…
12. Go to Canada {I’m practically there.}
13. Paint a mural.
14. Improve my eye makeup skills.
15. Clear my closet. Seriously, once and for all get rid of all the stuff I don’t use.
16. Learn to wire a lamp.
17. Make an amazing cheesecake.
18. Go to an auction and bid on something I love.
19. Go to the Mall of America.
20. Go to the shooting range.
21. Make some killer chili.
22. Make tomato soup from scratch.
23. Paint a piece of furniture.
24. Learn about arranging flowers. Then make some awesome arrangements.
25. Landscape.
26. Throw an amazing party.
27. Do something to benefit a cause.
28. Conquer the french braid consistently.
29. Go dog sledding. {Yes, there really is a place in North Dakota that will teach you!}
30. Learn an ice skating trick. {This one might have to wait until next winter.}
31. Climb something.
32. Go backpacking.
33. Visit Montana. Anywhere…but preferably Glacier National Park.
Will they all get done? Probably not. But it’s sure fun to try. Enjoy your NYE. Promise me you’ll think of Dick Clark at least once tonight. Be safe. If you indulge adultly, get a DD. Pinky swear? K good. I’m so excited about spending another year with you!
Amy
by Amy | Dec 31, 2012 | Blog, The Art of Living
Wow. My goodness I’ve missed you. The big holiday is behind us…and New Year’s Eve is on the brink. I didn’t mean to take so much time off…but it happened. And, like I’ve told you before, I’d rather not write to you…then write you a load of garbage. Believe it or not, I do strive to write things that are worth while.
Anyway, I had a blast over the Christmas season. Maybe the best part was getting to meet up and chat with some of you who read the blog that I don’t see or catch up with very often. I cannot begin to describe how my heart leaps when one of you tells me you’ve been touched by, humored, or amused by something you’ve read here. I love every single one of you who takes a moment or two from your day to escape with me into the escapades of everyday life.
So with another year nearly over, another birthday behind me…I find myself pondering. It happens every year around this time. Another year older, another year ahead. More times than I like to remember, I’ve felt quite lost at the turn of the year. But for once, I feel like I’m entering the year with a direction. With a bit more calling. I’m on the cusp of a whole lotta projects and a load of new and curious interests. I’m very excited to tell you all about them in the coming weeks.
I know this wasn’t much of a post. Just a little update on things. Tomorrow I’ll be giving you my list of yearly goals. If you don’t know me very well…you know it’s more than lose 10 pounds and things like that. I’m more about quirky skills and the like.
For tonight I’d like to leave you with something fun. I know we all got lots of awesome stuff {and I’ve gotten double awesome stuff because my birthday was a few days ago too}. And I’d like to share a few of the most shockingly amazing things Santa dropped off for me this year. Now, a quick disclaimer. I loved everything I received. This is a short list of the more inexpensive items in Santa’s sack that really caught me off guard. Total clarity: My family and friends rock.
1. Fleece lined leggings!!! Yes, this is a thing. And yes, they are as awesome as they sound. Do you like the idea of wearing a warm cloud as pants? Then I suggest you get some of these.
2. Layered gym shorts like these. They look super cute and no one can see my under-oos when I lay down and do leg raises.
3. A knife sharpener. Yep, forget that one that came with your knife set. This totally rocks.
4. A new 1000 piece puzzle. Okay, but it’s not a regular puzzle. This one comes in a sturdy box and includes a fold out print of the image and a big ziploc baggie to put the pieces in after you’re done. I’m a new, huge fan of Dowdle Puzzles. Perfect for these sub-zero nights.
5. Bootsocks. My mom scored me a super cute pair from Eddie Bauer. Boots over skinny jeans are cozy. But warm snuggly socks over skinny jeans in boots…well, you just can’t beat it. I never would have bought them for myself. Now I’m hooked. And they look super cute peeking out over my boots. {Which were also a gift from Mom and Daddy. Told you they rock.}
My favorite part of the day is seeing my crafty/thrifty/awesome-shopping genius surprise my family…and I love it when they surprise me too. So what surprised you this Christmas? I’d love to know what knocked your Christmas stockings off this year!
Amy
by Amy | Dec 5, 2012 | Blog, The Art of Living
Who doesn’t love a good Christmas movie? I know I do. But after watching them year after year can get a little mundane. Watch the classics with new eyes this year after checking out this sweet list of things you never knew before. {Go ahead…impress your friends with your useless knowledge.}
1. Ralphie’s house in “A Christmas Story” is in Cleveland, OH…but many locations including the iconic chop suey restaurant were shot in Ontario, Canada.
2. Vera Ellen {Judy Haynes} isn’t really singing in White Christmas. Her voice is dubbed in every song, but she was cast since her dance moves are so killer.
3. “Christmas Vacation” is based on a short story titled “Christmas ’59.” The character of Cousin Eddy is based on a real man Randy Quaid knew in Texas.
4. Natalie Wood {the little girl, Susan Walker} in “Miracle on 34th Street” actually believed that Edmund Gwenn was Santa Claus throughout filming. It wasn’t until she saw the final film in theaters that she realize he was just an actor, like her.
5. The tape that Kevin watches in “Home Alone” is not a real film. It was footage especially created for the. movie. The faux movie was titled “Angels with Filthy Souls.” In the sequel “Home Alone 2” he watches a bit of footage the crew titled “Angels with Even Filthier Souls.” Merry Christmas you filthy animal.
6. Fred Astaire’s “drunk” dance in Holiday Inn was actually filmed while he was intoxicated. He took two shots of burboun before starting to shoot the scene and one shot after every take. They used the 7th take in the film. {You do the math.} I wish I could dance like that sober!
7. Jimmy Stewart had to be convinced of playing his role in “It’s a Wonderful Life.” It was his first project after serving in WWII, and he didn’t feel up to acting. In hindsight, he later said it was his favorite role of all time.
8. {Bonus!} More than 6000 gallons of fake snow was used in production of “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
9. The montage of Buddy the Elf when he first arrives in New York was achieved by driving around the city and allowing Will Ferrell to randomly interact with pedestrians in character. People seen on screen were given quick cash for their role as extras. If you look closely, you’ll see genuine surprise on a lot of faces.
10. Peter Billingsley {Ralphie from “A Christmas Story“} plays the brief role Ming Ming in “Elf.” He also directed “Couple’s Retreat” in 2009.
11. The role of Scott Calvin in “The Santa Clause” was written for Bill Murray. It was also offered to Chevy Chase before going to Tim Allen. How different would that have been?
12. “A Charlie Brown Christmas” was the first animated Peanuts feature. First and best in my book. Also, real children did the voice acting for the characters instead of adults acting as children.
13. In “A Muppet Christmas Carol” Kermit is voiced by Steve Whitmire. This is the first time he wasn’t voiced by Jim Henson.
Let the Christmas Movie Marathon begin!
by Amy | Dec 3, 2012 | Blog, The Art of Adventure, The Art of Living
I can’t guarantee that this is the only awkward thing that will happen in my life this holiday season. But I can tell you that the event I’m about to describe goes down in history as one of the most janky, rigged-up, random things Derek and I have ever done.
And we’ve done a lot of weird things in our day. I’ll start by showing you a photo of the tree while we were decking it out. Now let me tell you how we got here…
So it’s Christmas time and we needed a tree. One of our favorite holiday traditions is finding our Christmas tree…and cutting it down ourselves if at all possible. The only time we’ve bought off a lot was when we lived in Oklahoma, and that’s only because they are so hard up for trees down there.
Over the years we have found some pretty precarious trees. Like the tree we got in Florida after driving by a random evergreen field. There was a mailbox with a saw hanging from a nail on the post and a sign that read : “Christmas Trees $25. Use the saw. Put money in the mailbox.”
Seriously I can’t make this stuff up. We hauled that one home in the back of our 1995 convertible LeBaron.
But what happened this weekend was even more redneck than that.
Saturday started innocently, with our weekly trip to Menard’s. {We always need something from Menard’s.} After picking up screws and bolts we went to the garden section to get a tree. But when we walked outside it just didn’t feel right. Sure, the nearest Christmas tree farm is hours away. But there had to be a Christmas tree for us somewhere in the wild. So we left tree-less and took a drive into the sticks to see if we could find a tree that we could whack down ourselves.
It turns out…there aren’t many more trees here than there were in Oklahoma.
We drove and drove. And what we found was that evergreens are planted intentionally up here. They lined lawns and created property boarders, but none seemed appropriate to cut down and haul off without facing criminal fines. We were about to give up and drive home when suddenly…there it was…
It was a true Clark Griswald moment. You know like at the beginning of the movie when he sees the tree, and it doesn’t matter that it’s way too big, or that it’s not even the kind of tree you use for a Christmas decoration. “Thith tree is a thymbol of the thspirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.” And we knew it would be ours.
Where was this magical tree? I think this photo can speak for itself.
Yep. You are seeing correctly. It was at the edge of a gas station. All alone. Obviously an intrusive tree, not meant to be there. What gave us further calm about taking it for our own was the fact that it was half uprooted by the wind. If we left it, it would just die anyway…this was much more dignified. Sure, it was leaning back on another tree…but we’d be able to straighten it up in the stand. Sure it literally had empty bird nests in it…but we’d shake it good before taking it inside. Sure it was full…but we have tree trimmers at the house.
So Derek cut. And once it was cut we had another Griswald moment. Pretty much the same realization Russ has when he says: “Dad, that thing wouldn’t fit in our yard.” But we knew, “It’s not going in our yard, Russ, it’s going in our living room.” It was big.
But stuffed it in the back of the Equinox anyway. Somehow we got the doors closed and we hauled it home where we whacked off a few feet at the bottom, and I trimmed it into a respectable shape. Once up in the living room we really realized how ugly natural it looked. Full of holes, still a bit crooked. It looks as awkward as the circumstances it came from. But we put it up, slathered it in lights and used the trimmings to deck the rest of our halls.
In 2012 we cut down our own tree. And it was a beaut, Clark.
Amy
by Amy | Nov 10, 2012 | Blog, The Art of Living
I’ve only done Friday confessions one other time. But today…after the week I’ve had, I really thought it would be good to get some of these things off my chest. Won’t you join me as I reveal my inner most thoughts?
1. When the stair project was over I had watched two full seasons of Pretty Little Liars. This week I found the other 13 episodes from season 3 and marathoned them over a 4 day period.
2. I was dog sitting and the dog ate 85 pieces of Halloween candy when I went to the gym.
3. Said dog pooped out a log of kit-kat wrappers two days later. Too much info?
4. I’ve basically stopped drinking water and instead drink only hot tea these days.
5. There was that day when I couldn’t button my shirt.
6. I didn’t mail my absentee ballot in time. My vote didn’t count in the swing state of Florida…but I did voice my opinion up here…where we earn a whopping 3 electoral votes.
7. I voted for Heidi Heitkamp on the basis that I so hated the anti-Heitkamp commercials produced from Rick Berg’s camp. {And besides…he’s gone Washington. If you don’t live in Practically Canada, you probably don’t understand.}
8. While we are talking about voting, I might as well mention that I didn’t realize there was a backside to the ballot.
9. I went to a progressive dinner where I volunteered to bring baguettes. I brought day old’s from Jimmy Johns.
10. I put my leftover Halloween candy {that the dog didn’t eat} in a cornucopia and called it a Thanksgiving candy-copia.
11. The man who came by to give me an estimate on furniture repair revealed his real passion is clowning….how do you respond to that?
12. Last night I unpacked {kind of} my necklace collection. For the first time. Since July 2011.
13. I spilled red Kool-Ade down the front of my shirt and jeans at a baby shower. Like a whole cup full.
14. I taught Trim and Tone last night. Today, I’m having a hard time walking. {Who says instructors don’t get sore?}
15. I heard Mariah Carey sing “All I Want For Christmas is You,” when I was at K-Mart. Inside I wanted to hate them for playing it so early…but I sang along under my breath and deep down really liked it.
Geesh I feel better. What do you need to get off your chest?
by Amy | Nov 7, 2012 | Blog, The Art of Living
Yes, I know it’s election day. If you stopped by today hoping to find out who I voted for and why or why not…you’ll be disappointed. If I told you…well–you’d still be disappointed. I’m not very good at expressing myself politically. So instead, I’ll just a story that really relates to nothing. You are welcome to just laugh at my expense and be glad you are cooler and more capable than me.
Let me elaborate.
Today started like any other morning. Get up, pet the cat, start the tea pot. I did some things around the house before hopping in the shower. I had a phone conference set up late morning and the phone rang a bit earlier than expected…just as I was toweling off. I was excited to take the call so as we started chatting I pulled on jeans and threw on a button down shirt {one of my signature looks.} Easy enough. Not rocket science.
The meeting ends. I get up from the desk {aka dining room table} to go for another cup of tea. Look down…my shirt is buttoned wrong.
Okay, no big deal. I was distracted when I got dressed. We’ve all done it. The buttons aren’t lined up and I’ve got extra fabric at the bottom. Shake it off. Unbutton–rebutton.
Go about my business. Send a few emails, do a little research, write a few workouts. Lunch time. I’ll go get the mail first.
What the heck. My shirt is buttoned wrong again. Two buttons off this time. So much for effortless style {American Eagle makes it look so easy…} Unbutton–rebutton.
After lunch I do some other random work. At 1:30 I get ready to leave to go vote. I wrap a scarf around my neck, pull my purse across my body. Open the flap on top to get my keys when I notice…
MY SHIRT IS BUTTONED WRONG.
What. The. Heck.
How is this happening? It’s like I’ve never worn a shirt before. This is something you learn in pre-school. Just line them up. Pull it together Allender.
Unbutton–rebutton.
At the polling place I get out of the car. Excited to do my patriotic duty. I’m looking pretty good. It’s a cute shirt after all. I’m sporting my vintage cowboy boots, my favorite scarf and my most comfy jeans. But as I get out of the car I feel a breeze on my stomach.
SERIOUSLY?
MY SHIRT IS BUTTONED WRONG. No, I’m not kidding. I can’t make this stuff up. What kind of person attempts getting dressed four times with failure? They let a person like that vote? They let a person like that have a say in American democracy. The only person who can get away with a shirt buttoned wrong this many times is an old man in the Jerry home. Then it’s cute and endearing. I don’t think my grandpa ever had his buttons in line. Is this what I am? Nothing more than a 25-year-old-80-year-old-man? That literally doesn’t even make sense.
Embarrassed, I slipped down the hall to the restroom before anyone could possibly notice. Unbutton–rebutton. Is it right? Triple check. Okay….and…vote.
I hope your trip to the polls was pleasant. And I hope you only put your shirt on once today. Tomorrow at the water cooler, you’ll have something way cooler than a new president/reelected president to chat about…you can tell your friends about that girl you know who couldn’t button her own shirt.
Okay. Stick to chatting about the election.
Amy
by Amy | Nov 2, 2012 | Blog, The Art of Living
Dear Snow,
It’s barely November. I really wasn’t expecting you for another month or so. It’s not that I don’t like you. We’ve had lots of good times together, skivvy sledding, tubing, snow-fort-building. It’s just that…well, I wasn’t prepared for your visit. You haven’t been to my house since I lived in Indiana. It’s been nice seeing you when I go home for Christmas, and I was excited to hear you’d be visiting me personally this year. But I really think you’ll be much happier if you go back to the North Pole and come back for Christmas.
I know Sandy got your panties in a twist and you just had to drop your baggage on us up here. But that’s really not polite. Today you made Practically Canada feel more like “Practically Christmas.” And, honestly…I’m not ready to listen to Bing Crosby croon “White Christmas” before I’ve had a chance to eat turkey and obscene amounts of pie.
You really inconvenienced me today at work. I went to teach my Jerry Class {senior fitness} this morning, and only one of my ladies showed up. We only worked for 30 minutes before you came barging in and sent her home too. I need you to respect my need to see other people. I’m not okay with you trapping me inside with only the cat for company. But you wouldn’t stop by forcing me to come home early from work and promise not to go out. You just had to go and cause the city to call for a travel emergency. Now I’m really stuck here.
The least you could have done was not be so slippery. I snapped a photo of an accident I saw on my one mile journey home from the gym. Look at the fuss you are causing. It’s just not safe for you to be here yet.
I took another photo looking out my window. I know you like to see the houses you cover. But just know that that stop sign in the photo is not an accident or happy coincidence. It’s a message. Please stop. Stop falling. {Preferably now.} Stop causing people to freak out and drive like they’ve never seen a wheel before. Come back around Christmas. You can stay through the end of January if you really want. I don’t mean to be rude, but I think it’s for the best.
XOXO
Amy
