The following is an excerpt from a journal entry I wrote at the beginning of Derek’s most recent deployment. While he was quarantined stateside (but gone from our home), we had a Zoom meeting with a young couple as part of their premarital counseling. They are the exact ages we were when we got married, 22 and 23. They’d soon be starting their life as a married, military couple. The question we discussed that most stands out to me is, “What is a good thing about deployments?”
Our conversation blessed me. We were two weeks into our latest separation, my first as a mom of two. Honestly, I felt like I was drowning. The clarity this conversation forced on me is exactly what I needed. It was God showing up in the midst of the grief the early days of deployment always bring.
WHAT IS A GOOD THING ABOUT DEPLOYMENTS?
I glanced at the monitor, amazed that everyone was quiet and sleeping so our conversation could be had in peace. Deployment leaves you a special, unique kind of tired. Today was no exception, but at the same time I was glad to be having this conversation.
“Okay, the next question is…What is something good that comes from times of separation and deployments? Can you tell us a good thing about deployments?” What a wise question to ask.
I was surprised by the answer that was ready on my lips.
“The best thing about being separated from Derek for a season is that it brings clarity about my identity. It forces me to recognize that I am fully complete in Christ alone. My identity does not rest upon being Derek’s wife, or having him around. When he’s gone, I remember that I am fully equipped and capable in Christ to carry on and do what life will ask of me.
“I tend to be a bit of a leech, clinging on to whatever is familiar, especially my people. I had terrible separation anxiety from my parents as a child–then from Derek as an adult. That’s not healthy. These seasons force me to break off any unhealthy attachment and remember that it’s okay to just be Amy. Don’t get me wrong, I hate being away from Derek. But good always comes from it. Good will always come when we more fully submit our identity to God.”
I stand by that. Is it painful? You betcha. Do I wish it could be done a different way? Yep. But this is good. Really good. The kind of good that would be a lot harder to find if I wasn’t forced into a deployment circumstance.
I wish someone had told me that 12 years ago. I wish someone had told me lots of things 12 years ago.
There is hope, there is reason, there is progress. Even in these terribly hard days. It seems like no good will ever come from being forced apart, but with God good things are always probable.
Separation Diary: March 26, 2021
I NEED YOUR HELP | ONE MORE THING BEFORE YOU GO
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