Most of the time the things I write here have some kind of meaning. Whether it’s a lesson learned, project completed or a sneak peek so a client can share a glimpse of their session with family and friends…usually there’s a point to the story. Today, there is no point. I’m just going to tell you a story because, well–it’s awkward and funny and a little note worthy.
As a kid of the 90’s you can bet I’m an Urkel fan. On Friday, however, I got a little too close to his catch phrase– “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”–for comfort.
I guess the story really starts in October when I threw my back out the first time. I finally finished physical therapy in December and had been feeling fine since then. The therapist said her best guess as to why my back clenched up suddenly started limiting my mobility in the fall, was most likely due to a combination of over training and wearing the wrong shoes. This unkindly duo caused me to over use my lower back muscles instead of my core, glutes and hamstrings…leading to a nasty strain.
But I got over it.
Until Friday.
On Friday I was leading a total body workout on the stability ball. It’s low impact and fun, even for gym beginners. Half way through, something twisted and–BAM–no more leaning forward or backward. After class I struggled to get home, where I parked myself in bed on my back. As the afternoon went on, my mobility only became more and more limited. So limited I didn’t even leave the bed for lunch.
When Derek got home, he found me still in bed. He convinced me that I should try to walk. At least to go to the bathroom, then come down for dinner. That all sounded sane enough, so I obliged. When I stood up, pain like daggers shot through my lower back and made me weak in the knees. Leaning on the bed, then the walls for support I gradually made it to the hall. Lifting my feet even high enough to shuffle across the floor was a strain. I felt like I was trapped in an 85 year old body. Once in the hall, I had to call Derek back upstairs, because I just couldn’t go another step. He helped me into the bathroom. The pain was leaving me in that weird place where it just hurts so bad you want to laugh. But the laughing and tightening of my abs only made it worse. As usual, my awkward antics only made the process worse. We decided I should take a break from walking and just have a sit on the toilet seat to recover before even trying to actually pee.
As I leaned forward and bent my knees to sit my back decided that was the final straw. I doubled over and fell to my hands and knees right on the bath mat. That’s when the waves of spasms started. I rolled over to my back with my head resting against the trash can and my cheek against the vanity. That was it. I couldn’t scoot. I couldn’t sit back up. That was it. Waves of awful spasms took over my back, causing it to arch in a weird way beyond my control. When that happened I couldn’t even breathe. I was consciously trying to stay calm, breath deep and relax. But I couldn’t. It was a horrible feeling. A really weird feeling.
By now, we’d obviously decided I should go to the ER. That however, required a journey down a flight of stairs, through the house, down the deck steps, and down three more steps to the driveway. After giving it our best college try, Derek made the executive decision to call an ambulance.
I really do think it was our only option. But boy was I embarrassed. I’m sure that at that moment there were people having actual emergencies. I’m a 27 year old in peak physical condition that couldn’t get up off the bathroom floor. The first thing the EMT said when he came upstairs was…”Wow, literally on the bathroom floor. How exactly did you end up in that position?”
Awkward, I’m telling you.
They asked some basic questions then tested my glucose levels. At which point they asked if I was diabetic because my blood sugar was so low. No–no diabetes for me. Just back pain that made going downstairs for food a totally undesirable option.
Even once they’d pumped my IV full of drugs that finally let my back unclench and caused me to giggle uncontrollably I couldn’t move. The muscles were still so tight it took two grown men to sit me upright. Then they strapped me into a chair lift so they could get me downstairs and out to the ambulance. All the while I was thinking how frustrating this all is, since I learned to walk before I was 12 months old…now I couldn’t even get in a chair by myself and strangers were carrying me out of my house like the Arc of the Covenant. Ugh.
Then they loaded me in the ambulance and away we went. On the five block journey to the ER I was fed a tube of instant glucose to raise my sugar levels. The EMT said most people think they’re gross, but I think it tasted like candy and I was starving…so I was ready to eat anything. It was my first ride in the back of an ambulance, and let me tell you…it’s a lot smaller than it looks on TV.
So that’s the story. And it ends like this: The doctor looked me over and decided all the weird spasms were muscularly triggered. No slipped or ruptured discs. I’ll be going back to physical therapy, no doubt. Saturday morning walking was a real chore, today I’m feeling much better. I’m still on a steady stream of pain killers and muscle relaxers. Hopefully in a couple weeks I’ll be back to the gym. But no curling tonight. {Which is a real bummer because it’s the final game of the regular season. So, BOO!}
The end.
