Today, the first time I’ve written in months and months, I wan’t to talk about God’s calling.
**I’ve recorded this post so your ears can read it instead of your eyes. You’re welcome.***
But first…simply cannot believe it’s January. And not only that, but midway through the month. This time last year I’d done a lot of praying and thinking about what I wanted to do. About what God wanted me to do. About God’s calling for me. Where He had gifted me, what I naturally felt at peace doing. And it all came back to writing and teaching.
So I set out to revamp the website (something Derek says I do far too often…) And I did. The redo took way too long and the launch got pushed farther and farther behind. But I kept plugging away.
But then a funny thing happened. When it was done, I felt this tightness and pressure. Instead of reaping joy from writing and enjoying studying God’s Word I concocted a heaviness that scared me away from writing on my new, beautiful site. So I found lots of other things to do. I convinced myself that I’d know when the time was right. I’d have something perfect to say and I’d write it. In the mean time I filled up my schedule with contracts and projects and all kinds of things. Things that left me too tired to write or study. I knew God’s calling wasn’t to be stressed or not at peace, I knew God’s calling–but I avoided it.
Oh, yeah…and there was a terrible bout of anxiety in there too. It had nothing to do with writing or blogging. But it halted me. Because when I hit a patch like that I convince myself that a person struggling cannot contribute anything but more struggle. That’s a lie.
But as time went on the message became more and more clear. This is what God’s calling me to do–at least at this season in life. Not the struggling and the stress–the learning, teaching and studying. The soft voice I hear in my prayers has become louder and louder. Messages have been coming my way that are prodding me to move forward, be brave, continue. The radio, the Bible, the audio books I’m listening to, even strangers have lately (and by lately I mean over the last 6 months) have all been unknowingly speaking into my soul. I can hear God in my prayers asking me if I’ll listen to them. Because I’ve obviously been avoiding listening and obeying Him.
Maybe you can relate?
Maybe?
And perhaps the most nagging thing of all has been Abraham. Yes, from Genesis. And from the song about him having many sons.
I studied Abraham during the fall academic semester as part of a series we did at church on Wednesday nights. Ever since then, I cannot get him out of my mind. I’ll give you a brief synopsis of Abraham’s journey. But you can read the real deal in Genesis 12-25. ( I know…he gets a lot of chapters!)
Now would be a perfect time to remind you that I’m just a person, so I’m flawed and imperfect…but God and His Word are perfect. I’ll do my very best to relay what the Lord is teaching me. But I always encourage you to go to His Word with your own eyes.
Anyway, back to Abraham. He gets this amazing calling from God. He will father many nations and possess a great land. The problem is, he’s old, his wife is too old to have children, and there’s already some really scary people living in the land God tells him he’ll have.
Now, when I’ve read this account in the past I’ve been pretty harsh on Abraham. Thinking things like, “Come on man, God told you He’d give you this stuff, just trust Him…He’s GOD.” Or, “Ugh, here goes Abraham again…not following God’s command.” Or, “What an idiot–why are you pretending your wife is your sister, again?? Just trust God and where He’s calling you.”
You know the old saying. “When you point a finger, you’ve got three pointing back at you.” Well, that very much describes me. I was sheepish to say the least when God told me to stop being so harsh on Abraham. (Whose name you’ll notice in the Hall of Faith. My name, however, is not listed.) Much like Nathaniel revealing David’s hypocrisy with the story of the little lamb, my eyes were opened. I realized I have been doing the same thing as Abraham.
Except, God’s calling to Abraham was much bigger, crazier and scarier. My struggle has been on a much smaller scale.
When I’ve read Abraham’s account in the past I’ve been quick to criticize him for seeming to only obey partially. To let his own fear and understanding of the world trump what God has promised. Abraham spent time going around the promised land, hiding from famine in Egypt, and trying to take God’s promise into his own hands by creating a family through his wife’s servant (instead of his wife.) I think he wanted to please God, but I also think fear and rationality got in the way. The result of him micromanaging God’s plan was a lot of pain, heartbreak and time lost.
I’ve seen a lot of that when I’ve tried to shake off what God has called me to do. Or when I attempt to micromanage the Creator of Everything. Have you?
If the lesson I learned from Abraham stopped there–it would be a sad day. I’d ruin your weekend with my rain clouds. And we’d have no more joy in the Lord than when I started writing this post. Lucky for us, there’s more.
In the end God was still faithful to Abraham. He kept all of His promises. By a miracle, Sarah–Abraham’s wife–had a child. The land was possessed by his descendants. And everything else God promised also came to fruition. God kept His side of the deal–because His promises were never dependent on Abraham. Would these things have come to fruition sooner if Abraham had not skirted the issues and created a sticky mess out of his (very understandable and relatable) human fear/rationality/micromanaging? Maybe…probably. But God was faithful.
Even though things probably played out with more complications and maybe more struggle. God was faithful.
Even though it took a while. God was faithful.
Even though Abraham created some drama for himself. God was faithful.
The real lesson here to me is that God will be faithful. He will walk us through to the place He promises. To our calling, to the things He has confirmed in us. But–we might make the journey a little harder on ourselves.
That said–I don’t think God ever wastes a moment. Even a moment of our disobedience. He can redeem those moments to grow our faith, to reconcile our belief, to prepare us to trust Him more and more. Sometimes our hearts need to learn how good God is from the school of hard knocks. We see this clearly in the account of Abraham. After quite a bit of time and mistakes, his faith in God was deeper. He knew God’s character with more certainty. He trusted God more fully. God will never waste our mistakes when our hearts earnestly want to know Him and please Him. This is the amazing, incredible, one-true-God. This is the God we are invited to know and be in relationship with.
So I’m taking heart this new(ish) year. I’ve spent months and months circling God’s calling to me. But I’ve remembered that He is faithful. Even though it might be tricker, sticker and messier now that I’ve roamed around and tried to avoid His voice. (I’m now 32 weeks pregnant…and yes, I think this would have been easier to do pre-pregnancy before I was starting to sweat over whether my construction zone home is safe/ready for a baby.) God is faithful. He’s telling me to write, so I’m going to do that. I don’t know where it will lead, who will read or why He’s so insistent. However, I do know that it’s time to obey. I can guarantee my obedience will continue to be imperfect, but I’ll do my humanly best.
What about you? Has God been calling you to something? Are you trying to hear His voice? Are you an obedience rock star carrying out His job for you?
Wherever you are, remember that God Is Faithful. Wherever you are how will you pray for obedience and intentionality today to trust in God and the path He has set before you?
More soon, (for real this time)
Amy
PS–Speaking of a new year…I know this is a time when many of us set new goals for Bible reading. If you fall into that category, I’d LOVE for you to sign up for my 3-Day Bible Reading Kickstart. It’s totally FREE and designed to get you excited about God’s Word. It’ll come straight to you inbox. You can walk through it alone, or discuss it with a friend, spouse, boyfriend, mentor, whoever you like! Get started right HERE.
