Sometimes sermons haunt me. No matter what I do, I just can’t stop thinking about what was said in church on Sunday. Sometimes it’s a thought provoking–new knowledge of a well known passage. Other times it’s convicting. Still other times it can be something else all together that causes what the pastor said to stick with me.
Once upon a time I went to a church with a very elderly, very old school, and sometimes very offensive pastor. {I think some of you may know of whom I speak.} Now, there are a few instances that have held fast in my mind. But one in particular keeps cropping up these days.
As many of you know, I’ve been injured. That means I’ve basically had to quit teaching classes at the gym…and it also means I can’t do the heavy lifting involved with my other favorite pass time: house projects. All this has left me wondering what comes next. It seems like another fork in the road. I crave a productive life. In the wake of the choices that lay ahead of me for my future {possible without those intense activities}, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I should do. What has happened to my body is no one’s fault but my own. I worked too much, I lifted too many things, I ran and jumped and challenged myself all the time. Was I wrong to do that?
That’s where the old pastor comes in. Something he said in a Sunday sermon has haunted me since I was a newly married girl, back in 2009. It made me so angry at the time I wanted to get up and walk out of church.
Now, older, wiser, {slightly} less hot headed, I’ve been considering his words again. I long to be a Godly wife. A woman who does good, and is someone God–as well as my husband–can look upon with pride. So I have thought back to that fateful Sunday morning to see if what he had said only offended me because of my young, self-centered pride. I don’t think so…but you be the judge.
What he said went something like this:
A wife should not feel compelled to busy herself outside the home. Sure, she might think working is a good idea. You might even think it could bring in a little extra money. But let me break it down like this. If she is going to be employed outside the home, she’ll need her own car, she’ll need new clothes, fancy shoes, money for gas,…the list goes on. Throw in the cost of child care while she’s away and all the money spent on meals out because she won’t be able to prepare dinner…and have you really gained anything at all? I’d even bet that a working wife costs the family money in the end.
Really. He said it. I couldn’t make logic like that up.
As his words have gnawed at me, I’ve gone to a better authority on women and wives and what we should {and shouldn’t} be doing…God. After all, he created them. I’ve decided to stop looking at the world, even pastors, for advice on what I should be–or if I have ruined myself, or if I should cut out my driven heart with a knife borrowed from Snow White’s step mom. Instead, I’ll be looking into the Word. The Bible has all kinds of wonderful advice on how to be a great wife, how God cares for his women, and why women are poised to have a unique place in Christ’s great commission. One of the places I’ve looked lately has been Proverbs 31, at the woman the Bible refers to as a “noble wife.”
The woman in Proverbs 31 is so productive, so respectable, so lovely. I just can’t help but admire her. I’m actively trying to define what she does right and apply it to my own life.
If you aren’t familiar with what I’m talking about…read the whole chapter here. If you just need a refresher, let me enlighten you. Her husband trusts her with all that they have, he knows she is smart…not only book smart, but in practical ways too. She can make wise investments, she is savvy. She uses her skills to make things for her home and family. She likes creating things to much that she uses her smarts and her talents to earn extra money for their family. She works hard and she turns a profit. She is so thrifty and lucrative {not only with household funds, but also the money she has earned herself} that she knows her family is securely provided for–in turn she gives generously and is compassionate to those with less.
I love this verse:
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She’s strong and not intimidated by manual labor. I love that.
She works vigorously.
This is not a woman who is confined that old pastor’s ideal of wives. Her husband doesn’t restrict her. He doesn’t insist that her endeavors are silly or unimportant, or costly to the household. Quite the opposite: Her husband trusts her to make big choices, to work hard, to accept physical challenges. She works, both in the home and in the marketplace. Her mate does not stifle her by insisting that the things she enjoys could never be part of their life. He doesn’t tell her that her skills should be put aside because he doesn’t want to waste his money on nice clothes or a cart to haul her wares. Nope. That isn’t in this chapter at all. Her husband looks at all she does and tells her that she surpasses all others. He likes his hard working, creative, fit, savvy bride.
I’m not saying any of this to say that working outside the home is what every wife should do. Or that it’s the only way. Or to demean stay-at-home wives and mothers. No matter what you do, and where you do it, God calls us ladies to work hard and have some fruit {whether linen to sell in the market place like Miss Prov31, or wonderful-God-fearing children} to show for it.
Will I ever be able to go back to working as vigorously as I once did? Only time will tell on that front. But I am at peace, resting assured that my drive and ambition are not out of line with what God would want from me. I think God likes girls who get stuff done. Now I’ll try to be patient {and low impact} as I wait for what He will challenge me with next.
xo
Amy
